Livin' a Lee da Loca
by MadCatta
Summary: 77 chapters into the rather epic life of Lee Jordan; the joker, the bloke with dreads, the incredible pirate radio broadcaster. He's pretty epic.
1. Gold

**Hey! Welcome to my version of Lee Jordan's life. He's incredible, seriously. **

* * *

**Gold**

"_You're indestructible,  
Always believe in,  
Because you are,  
Gold!"_

Lee Jordan hummed along to the radio, throwing in a cheeky bum wiggle when the song called for it. The song reminded him of Hogwarts - "you are gold", red and gold, Gryffindor, Hogwarts. Nice as it was to be home, Hogwarts was Lee's favourite place. And this would be his last year, and _fuck_ that was a scary thought. No more pissing about in lessons with Fred and George, no more irritating the hell out of the professors, no more post owls in the morning, no more commentating...

An angry voice cut across his thoughts. "Put some clothes on if you're gonna do that!"

Lee replied with another bum wiggle, shaking his purple boxers like they were going out of style (were they ever in?) turning around to see his older sister Mel with her boyfriend. It was good Lee had such dark skin or his face would be bright red by now. Fred and George would be like beetroots – actually, if they were in this situation they wouldn't give a damn, they'd be dancing more.

"Morning," he grinned sheepishly. Mel rolled her eyes, "Sorry, he gets shut up at school and forgets how to be around normal people," she sighed to her boyfriend.

"I resent that!" Lee argued. "Normal people would pay money to see-"

"We're off out, bye Lee!" Mel waved and dragged the boyfriend out the door. Charming woman, his sister was. He really _did_ miss Hogwarts. At Hogwarts, he was respected and damn well liked, he and his best friends were the top of the school, had fingers in almost every social pie, and he had people who would be hanging on the end of what he said to get to the punchline.

Not that Lee was arrogant or needed the attention, no, but after spending so long in a dormitory with four other blokes, having a few girls who were always willing for a snog, having random students just know him from commentating, coming back home to the city was always a disappointment.

Here, he was Mel's little brother, or The Black Kid With Dreads. And it wasn't like he was unique in that respect either. He had a few cousins with dreadlocks, and a few people around. He wasn't even a kid any more, which really pissed him off. In the Muggle world he was three months shy of adulthood, but back in Hogwarts he was Of Age. Like, legal and that.

The door slammed open, bringing the wind, Lee's mother and Lee's aunt, bearing large bags of shopping. He didn't rush forward to help them, which got him duly chided by both women, a quick comparison between him and his cousin Thomas, and more chiding for not being dressed by midday. But his mum and aunt were more affectionate than they could have been; they pinched his cheek and all sorts, given it was four days until back to school for Lee.

"Lee, darling, we've got the family coming over for one, d'you think it might be nice to greet them in clothes?" said his mother.

Lee gave an exaggerated yawn. "I suppose... who's coming?"

"Oh, the usual – here, Lee, all these in the freezer, would you? – us, Aunty Liv's family, Uncle Bobby and his three, Nana and Granddad. And Mel's boyfriend, and Thomas's boyfriend."

Brilliant, the whole horde. What he was thinking must have been written on his face, for Auntie Liv made a face at him. "Lee, we only get to see you for two months a year!"

"Two and a half," protested Lee.

"Oh, sorry," Auntie Liv rolled her eyes, "two _and a half_ months per year. It's a going away dinner!"

Brilliant.

"Any more news other than my leaving again?" asked Lee hopefully. That would mean he wouldn't be attacked with questions about the school he wasn't really allowed to talk about – his mum and sister knew, given Mel too went to Hogwarts and that their dad was a wizard, and so did Auntie Liv, but no one else. Knew that he was a wizard, that is. His cousins knew he was a little odd, but no more than that, and so his being at boarding school made their relationships harder.

"There's Thomas's new boyfriend, only Bobby's family have met him," Auntie Liv offered, pushing a mug of tea to him. One of the many perks of having a gay cousin meant much focus would go on him, off of Lee and his school and life.

"Now, Lee, Nana's coming over for twelve and she really wouldn't like to see you in your knickers. Would you put some clothes on?" said his mum.

"_Knickers!_" cried Lee. "Knickers? Mum, these are boxers. Manly boxers."

"They're _purple._"

"They're still for a bloke!"

"Oh, you make such a big deal out of everything. Get dressed!" she swatted his head with her purse, so up Lee went, grumbling as he went.

**-OoO-**

After having a divine shower, Lee entered his room and threw the towel onto the bed. That was one of the perks of coming home – he could sit in his room and be naked if he liked, without getting some jokes at his expense, without having people (mainly the twins; the other two sharing the dorm kept to themselves) swatting his bare arse with their possessions. And he could wank without the awkwardness of knowing he had four other blokes in the room, possibly all doing the same thing.

Only, uh, maybe at Hogwarts his bed would make odd noises, but usually there wasn't a peculiar squawking coming from the bed...

Lee retrieved his wand from the drawer in his bedside table and charmed the towel to rise off the bed ( he bloody _loved_ being Of Age) and beneath there lay a rather tired looking owl – and that was being polite. It was grey and an owl that Lee recognised. The Weasley family owl, Errol. This would be his fifth trip to Lee's this summer – there was a cheery _Sorry mate, we're not going to be able to see you at all this summer_ a long and monotonous _**This is fucking bull – we're cleaning! CLEANING ALL SUMMER LONG!**__, _a sly _That's Fred and Angelina over – __**oi! Not necessarily! **_which had been mostly from George but included details of their little brother Ron's lusting after his best friend Hermione Granger, and finally _**WE'RE BRILLIANT**__ – EXTENDABLE FUCKING EARS, JORDAN!. _And Lee still didn't know what the things were – ears that extended, he presumed. Hearing around corners and such.

They were right, though. Fred and George were brilliant, really. They'd do well. Bloody pain in the arse that they were – for four years they didn't do any work yet were top of the class more often than not. Although, Lee thought happily, there was the utter fuck up that was O.W.L exams. He got more than the two of them put together – although they retained they hadn't given a shit. Which was true.

Fred (he claimed) basically described porn in his Divination O.W.L, George's transfigured shrew had turned roughly the size of an elephant when it should have been transfigured to a fork – Warrington was rumoured to have run out screaming, but it was only Fred and George in the room at the time – and the pair of them had spectacularly squandered their potions O.W.L by adding the innards of a Dr Filibuster Fabulous Wet Start No Heat Firework (Fred) or everything orange (George, although when he realised there was about two things, he started adding anything with an interesting name). So a lot of fun, but didn't get them the best grades.

However, the disruption this brought to the exams meant that the rest of the fifth years at the time had slightly higher grades than they possibly ought to have got.

Lee deposited the elderly owl safely on his desk and ripped open the letter inside, bearing George's scrawl of handwriting.

_Jordan! We're not even allowed to fucking Diagon Alley, for Merlin's sake. Bloody ridiculous, this is.  
__**Though letters still haven't arrived, so no point yet.  
**__Mum's going, so we'll see you on the train.  
__**We reckon – and we know pretty well, Dumbly is always around now and our EEs are brilliant – that they're stuffed trying to find a DADA teacher. Could be another free!  
**__We miss the fresh air!__**  
We miss Quidditch!**__  
We miss house-elves doing all the work for us!  
__**We miss Angelina's tits!  
**__No _we _don't.  
__**I've seen you eyeing up my woman, Georgie.  
**__"My woman" - If Angie heard that, she'd have your balls.  
__**My balls are hers to have and to hold!  
**__And on that, see you soon, Lee!  
__**TRAIN, WE CAN TALK BUSINESS.  
- Fred & **__George_

The to and fro of the letter was something Lee was used to. He did miss them. He'd seen other school friends – Angelina Johnson, tits as fine as ever; Alicia Spinnet, very tanned from a trip to South Africa; Florence Pilkington, irritated in the same ways Lee was from having a muggle family. He'd even seen Oliver Wood around, who was getting on nicely at Puddlemere United.

A door banged open downstairs, indicating the arrival of his imposing, opinionated, moderately homophobic Nana. Quite a religious woman, too. Dinner with Thomas's new boyfriend would be interesting.

Lee scribbled

_Don't envy you! And I've seen Angie's tits recently. Well, okay, they had a few layers over, but I'm doing better with your girlfriend than you are, Fred! No letter either, but don't you reckon DADA could be useful? Given last year and Potter and all... well, whatever. Got a family lunch to attend to, but yeah, see you on the train then. I've had wonderful fresh air, a spot of Quidditch with the girls and our pal Mr Wood, a mother who is pretty much a house-elf, and – okay, no tits, but you know, it's been quite nice, this relaxing in the sun of this gorgeous, warm and unusually lovely summer... _

_See you!  
- Lee_

Actually, he was lying – he had seen tits. His mum's and his sister's. Not by choice. His mum liked to talk to people while she was in the bath – as far as Lee was aware, no one particularly wanted to talk to her while she was bathing – and he'd rather awkwardly walked in on his sister and her boyfriend having wild, rampant sex in her bedroom. Couldn't look her in the face for a few days after that – or the chest, mind. No tits he'd wanted to see, that's all.

He searched around the room for some clean clothes, failed, and pulled on some old boxers inside out, a pair of jeans (they only need a wash if there's a large, visible stain, really) a shirt that didn't really smell, and two socks. They had reeked, but he cast a quick _Scourgify_ and they were wearable.

Lee loved being Of Age.

* * *

******AN: So, this is the 77 chap challenge for Beeabeeon49. I chose to do it on Lee Jordan, starting from the summer before Seventh Year, and we'll see how it goes from here! It should be a full fic, but chapters will be 1000-2000 words ish, given it's 77 chapters long...**

**Also, I mostly write here for critique, really. I can improve my writing without having to sort out the characters and setting and you're all so willing to critique. And I live and love HP. So tell me what you don't like? And what you do, that would also be nice. **

**Cait x**


	2. Devils

**Devils**

You know what they were?

Devils.

That's right. Devils. The pair of them.

No, the devil didn't have horns and a silly tail. The devil had bright orange hair and came in twos. It wasn't even the earliest they'd gotten detention (by "they" he didn't mean the twin twats, he meant himself and the twin twats), not by far. But this time was the worst.

So they'd had a joyous reunion on the train. They'd spotted each other from different ends of the train and had entertained a group of young Hufflepuffs by having a slow motion, exuberant group hug. They'd quickly found the girls – Angelina Johnson and Florence Pilkington, with the addition of two girls from Hufflepuff who were a good laugh, and the four were poring over a magazine Angelina was holding.

First – surprisingly – Fred and George accosted Lee to talk about business for a bit, explaining their progress over the summer and it wasn't long before they were childishly bouncing on their seats explaining Extendible Ears (at which point George pulled out a tangle of skin coloured – their skin colour, not Lee's skin colour – from his jeans pocket) and ideas about Chundering Chewing Gum and – their _pièce de résistance '_Skiving Snackboxes'. They discussed how much is the right amount to give to First year testers that they wanted to use to make sure their products were effective (it was notable that none of the three questioned the ethics of it), but reached a conclusion and slowly the conversations merged and they were all discussing summer; the blonde 'Puff asked the Gruesome Twosome about their brothers and what they were doing – hadn't they three brothers out of Hogwarts? - at which point the twins shared an uncharacteristically dark look.

"What?" asked Angelina.

"Percy," said George, his eyes flickering to Fred. His voice was low and serious and entirely unlike George's voice normally.

"Twat," muttered Fred.

"He's sort of – _left_, really."

"What do you mean, 'left'?" asked Lee, frowning. They hadn't mentioned anything about Percy in their letters – maybe that was the point. They'd mentioned all their other brothers, Ginny, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Snape, McGonagall, even a passing reference to the infamous Aunt Muriel.

"The tosser's gone," Fred – no better word for it – growled.

"He and Dad had a massive argument-"

"Percy doesn't even believe our dear Potter-"

"He'd been offered a promotion-"

"Despite all the Crouch shit last year-"

"And so we were all a bit suspicious of it-"

"And so Dad was all, 'I reckon you're gonna be a spy'-"

"Only not that explicitly-"

"And Percy was like, 'Your crappy job drags me down and is why we've got no money'-"

"Although a bit more pompously-"

"And basically said 'Fuck you' to all of us and pissed off."

"He's got his own place in London now."

"Tosser." George nodded in agreement. The others were all in silence after this.

"So he's gone?" asked Florence tentatively.

"For good," said Fred gloomily. There was a few moments of silence before George slyly elbowed Fred and plastered a grin on his face.

"This is unusually gloomy, so Angie dear, how are you?"

"Fine," she replied stiffly.

Fred frowned. "All right?"

"Yes I am, thank you for asking, Fred," said Angelina with venom. Lee had been somewhat expecting this, given what Angelina had said when they met up.

"I'm detecting a bit of anger in your voice, Ange."

Angelina suddenly slapped her magazine shut and glared at Fred. Lee was surprised that he didn't recoil but he did put on a sheepish smile.

"What have I-" began Fred.

"I'll tell you what you've done!" Angelina hissed. "How many letters have I sent you this summer, Fred, oh darling boyfriend of mine?" she said, the last part saturated in sarcasm.

Fred squirmed slightly. The whole compartment had silenced and were watching the 'couple'. "Erm... ten?"

"Fourteen," was her curt reply. "And how many have you sent me back?"

"...Five?"

"Three."

"Oh." There was a short period of silence in which Fred looked distinctly uncomfortable, and finally he drew out a "sorry", which seemed to take a deal of effort.

"_Sorry?_ Fucking hell, Fred, you made absolutely no effort! And now, you didn't even say hello - no, it's you and George talking to Lee that's more important than your girlfriend!"

As soon as Lee's name had been dragged into the conversation, he thought it best to leave. Florence and the two Hufflepuffs followed him, and George, apparently trying to suppress his grin, followed Lee and the girls out of the compartment.

A while later, carrying quite a few sweets and newly accompanied by Alicia Spinnet who had been in the Prefects' compartment, they re-entered the compartment holding Angelina and Fred. Lee was slightly apprehensive on entering; who knew what sights lay before them? (a Newly-Decapitated Fred ghost was actually quite likely) but George confidently walked in and didn't appear surprised to see Angelina leaning against Fred as they both read her magazine.

Lee stared vaguely open mouthed at the couple, until he realised Alicia was trying to push him into the compartment.

"I reckon Warrington pulls off that expression better than you do, Lee. Shut your mouth, yeah? George, chuck us a Frog." Fred's amused eyes met Lee's disbelieving ones.

Lee shut his mouth and sat down, and George lobbed Fred a Frog, which he shared with Angelina in a sickeningly cute manner.

And so because of this, by the time they reached Hogwarts Fred was high on narcissism and arrogance (his usual state, George pointed out). This meant that after the dinner was done, after Fred and George posted their sign up on the board and hid the Hogsmeade notice, after they'd all taken the nicest armchairs in the common room and chatted for a while about this new teacher, and after the girls had gone to bed and Fred and Angelina had a loud and long goodnight snog, Fred sat back and stretched with a familiar grin on his face.

"So."

"Time to welcome Umbridge?" yawned George.

"Read my mind."

"Whassa plan?" yawned Lee.

"Show 'er 'o's boss," yawned Fred.

"Must we? Can't we just hide Mrs Norris again?" asked Lee. Fred and George both looked affronted.

"Lee," began Fred, "we have to assert our authority."

"Mark our territory," nodded George.

"Like dogs?" asked Lee.

The Twin Twats ignored him.

"Reckon we could test something on her?" said Fred to George.

"On a teacher? Bit risky, isn't it?" said George to Fred.

"What's life without a little risk? We're bloody Gryffindors, for Merlin's sake!" protested Fred.

"Yeah, Gryffindors are more about chivalry and courage in the face of adversity and all that," George pointed out.

"Pfft. Well, if you two are pussying out on me..."

"Just don't think it's that smart, that's all. Getting expelled on the first day. Shit, on a teacher who's part of the Ministry, we'd get worse than expelled!"

Lee frowned. "Umbridge is part of the Ministry?"

George rolled his eyes. "'Pruning the practises that ought to be prohibited'? Something like that. Means Ministry is getting involved in Hogwarts. And Harry said the woman was at his hearing."

"You _listened_ to the drivel she spouted?" Fred had an expression of deep disgust.

"It wasn't _that_ hard to understand."

"Bloody hell, George, I'm getting worried about you."

"I know, it's why I haven't brought it up until now. My reputation is on the line, knowing this."

"If anyone knew you even cared– and by association, I'd be fucked too!"

"Guess you don't want me to bring it up, then?" said Lee.

"If you did, we'd tell everyone about Mr Biggles," said Fred.

"Who?"

"You know," George smirked, "that cute little teddy bear of yours."

"You and Mr Biggles are so cute at night," grinned Fred.

"Sucking your thumb too!"

"No one would believe you," said Lee confidently.

"Oh yeah?" George delved into his pocket and drew out a folded photograph, featuring Lee asleep and snoring, his fist clenched with a thumb sticking out looking like it had indeed just popped out of his mouth, and – yes, a tattered old teddy bear in maroon pyjamas.

Lee laughed. "Nice, when did you do that?"

"Last term, just in case." George put the photograph back into his pocket.

"Where's the bear from?"

Fred smirked evilly. "Little Ronnie's bear. Never used to be apart, until the git broke my broomstick..."

"Fred turned it into a spider."

"Massive one."

"It's why Ron can't stand them any more."

"You were a charming kid, weren't you." Lee shook his head. "All this just to try and deny to everybody that you both actually have brains?"

"If Mum knew..." Fred shuddered.

"Oh, Merlin, if she knew..."

"Oi, I'm tired anyway, can we just lock Mrs Norris in a suit of armour or something?" asked Lee.

"Oh, Lee of little imagination."

"Look, Lee, this is our final year. The last time we can wreak havoc on the first day of the term."

Lee groaned. He didn't really mean it, though. It was tradition, after all. From when he met the twins on the train – who already appeared cool, as their elder brother Charlie was Quidditch captain of Gryffindor. Not that Lee knew what Quidditch or Gryffindor was, but he generally liked sports. And at midnight or so that first night, he'd caught the pair sneaking out of the dormitory and (for some reason his heart had been hammering) and they'd shared witty banter ad he'd won over some respect from them. They'd been caught twice on the first day – Lupin and Moody. Somehow neither punished them; Professor Lupin had found it highly amusing and Moody offered _help – _and a lecture involving lots of "CONSTANT VIGILANCE".

The three found themselves loitering outside the new DADA professor's office. Fred and George were holding a heavy toilet seat between them. ("Why?" Lee had asked. "Making Mum proud." "And Ginny and Harry jealous; they never got theirs in the end.")

The three of them sweet-talked the surrounding paintings – who were used to this tradition from the three boys and quickly promised to keep quiet – and Fred performed a quick Permanent Sticking Charm and the three went on their way.

Only, Fred's high spirits were contagious, and so the three recklessly wandered back to the common room. They weren't far from Umbridge's office when Fred pulled a bottle of Firewhiskey from his pocket, something George wasn't at all surprised to see.

"Start the new year in high spirits?"

George pulled it off him and gulped down as much of it as he could before he choked, allowing Fred to snatch it back off him and do the same. Fred finally passed it over to Lee, who wasn't feeling quite as reckless as Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber, only sipped at the Firewhiskey. But it wasn't long until the twins were moderately tipsy and Lee mildly so, and the bottle empty. The alcohol made their hearing funny and they were all talking louder than safe.

Really, Lee wasn't dreadfully surprised to come across Mrs Norris prowling around the corner. Nor was he shocked when Fred and George found throwing things they found in their pockets at the cat hilarious. The corridor was beginning to reek from the dungbombs, and the cat was getting very irritated being hit by crumpled up parchment, chocolate frog wrappings and a fake wand which had turned into a tea cosy as it was being lobbed at Mrs Norris.

And so neither was Lee surprised when Filch came around the corner with a furious expression, to come across a sniggering Lee Jordan and the twins holding on to each other as they laughed so hard. Filch had even bellowed at them for hurting Mrs Norris (she appeared to have a paper cut, but there was evidence of them antagonising her) and this had attracted the teacher on patrol – oh joy. Snape.

The three were made to come to his office, with Filch and Mrs Norris trailing still trying to tell the boys off. Fred and George were still giggling childishly but Lee was sobering up. And Snape notices so early on, it wasn't even funny. They'd had fifty points each off Gryffindor as soon as McGonagall showed up, detentions every night for the next month (except for a few days, which Lee was suspicious that would be Quidditch practise – bless Minnie's desperation for Gryffindor to win again), and finally a letter home, and the knowledge that they were all on "probation" and that Dumbledore would be notified. And their belongings would be searched for any more substances which shouldn't be in school.

Lee got a Howler the next morning at breakfast; Fred and George's had come first thing in the morning when they were both suffering from headaches, so the five of them in the dorm room hadn't woken up that well.

But Lee's mum was _so_ angry. And it was all Fred and George's fault. Those bloody devils.

* * *

**How was it?**

**Until the next,**

**Cait x**


	3. Cold as Ice

**Cold as Ice**

Lee was scribbling the rest of his Muggle Studies essay whilst eating his breakfast, and holding a light conversation with another Gryffindor girl in his year when Fred and Angelina came down to eat. George, it appeared, was sleeping in, relishing the periods where Fred and Lee and most other people had Transfiguration.

"Done the Transfiguration homework?" Lee asked the pair.

"Of course," was Angelina's reply.

"Homework?" was Fred's.

"Uhuh."

"Oh, bugger," said Fred. He stroked his lip thoughtfully for a second, then shrugged and pulled Angelina in for a quick kiss.

"I'm eating-" and Fred kissed away her protests. Lee made a noise of disgust and went back to his essay, noting it now had droplets of tea on it. He wasn't even drinking tea. He wrote a quick conclusion - damn easy, given his mum's side of the family were all muggles.

"You've not done it either, then?" asked Fred as he surfaced.

"Nah. Barely done this Muggle Studies essay and MS is a doss."

"What was the point in taking it?" asked Angelina.

"Want five subjects. Don't want hard subjects."

"He's got a fair idea there," said Fred.

They trudged towards Transfiguration, picking up Florence Pilkington and a few Ravenclaws on the way, to find no teacher and most of the class milling around outside the classroom. Lee saw the harried face of Professor McGonagall coming closer. As soon as the crowd of second years dispersed, he was able to make out the rest of the woman.

"What are you all hanging around for? Get in, get settled, you're all somewhat responsible adults now." McGonagall's eyes flickered to Fred and Lee at that; Lee cheerily grinned and Fred winked.

McGonagall was explaining the lesson even before the students had gotten ready for the lesson. "Conjuring, as you all should know by now, is a complicated form of Transfiguration. By now you should all be proficient in conjuring small creatures so now we'll be getting on to larger animals. That said, I do not want to find an elephant in the room, or any other large animal. Nothing larger than a badger, please!"

"I've already got something larger than a badger in this room, Professor," Fred quipped. Angelina elbowed him, hard. He swore. "Ouch, woman! You've got pointy elbows!" he said, as Professor McGonagall said, "Thank you for that mature and relevant point, Mr Weasley."

"Don't call me 'woman'," she hissed. Fred goggled at her.

"Ouch again, bit of an overreaction, isn't it? It your time of the month or something?" Angelina stamped on his foot. Lee winced as Fred swore again.

"_Fuck_, you've got fucking heels on!"

"They're tiny heels," she whispered back, and stuck up her hand. Fred stared in amazement at her.

"Blimey, you're not going to tell on me, are you?"

"I'm not that immature, Fred," she rolled her eyes.

Lee stopped watching Fred and Angelina and looked at Florence Pilkington who was staring back at him. They shared wide eyes and, as Lee's face cracked a small smirk, he was surprised to see the same happening to Florence.

"Miss Johnson?"

"Professor, are we expected to do these spells non-verbally?"

McGonagall blinked. "Yes, of course you are, Miss Johnson. Few spells at N.E.W.T. level are expected to be spoken. These will require your full concentration."

"In which case," Angelina continued with determination, "Personally I would find it beneficial if we could have our own desks for this."

Fred stared at her incredulously.

"Miss Johnson, are your companions likely to be disturbing?" She said 'companions' like they were the scum of the earth. Bit harsh, thought Lee. Florence is a perfectly lovely girl.

"I just think I would find it easier."

"By all means, if it would help you, do so sit by yourself."

Angelina turned and gave Fred a stern look. Lee knew exactly what she meant by it, and apparently so did Fred. He swore again, and shook his head as he got up and deposited his self and his belongings next to Lee, two desks along from his original seat by Angelina.

"Bloody hell," he muttered angrily, "if she didn't want to sit next to me she didn't bloody have to when she came in."

"I know, mate," Lee nodded sympathetically. "Something isn't right in that head of hers."

Fred was determined not to let this put a downer on his Transfiguration lesson. He had quickly conjured a weasel out of no where, which began to annoy Angelina's raccoon. Florence was doing quite well with it too; her conjured creatures might not have been entirely accurate – the badger had a mane – but they stayed around longer than Fred's or Angelina's. Lee was having a few difficulties, though, not helped by Fred's general being a prat. So far, Lee was able to conjure a small tarantula, which got him very nostalgic for his old one, Meth Eater (its death came about from eating camping fire meths at Lee's house) and a few flies, to keep it fed. It didn't stick around for long – Fred conjured a cat which ate the tarantula.

Lee was sure this didn't happen in nature and put it to Fred's malicious insides making a cat of similar malice. It definitely wasn't that his tarantula was bloody pathetic.

As McGonagall drew closer, checking the conjurations and the homework, Fred rose out of his seat. He winked at Lee and crouched down out of sight, and next Lee saw him sat next to a Ravenclaw girl at the other side of the classroom, where homework had already been checked.

No way would the bastard get away with it.

"Homework, Jordan?"

Bugger. Lie? "I-"

"See me after the lesson."

"Just can't get enough of me, can you?" Lee replied. There were a few titters across the room, and Fred grinned.

"It is a shame there's so little of you to give," said McGonagall. Lee had to laugh at that, and so did most of the class.

"Brilliant, Professor," laughed Fred from the other side of the classroom.

"Thank you, Weasley. You can tell me more about how brilliant it was tonight, in detention."

Fred didn't even look miffed that his dastardly plan had failed. "And after that you can tell everyone how brilliant I am. In bed," he added, as if an after thought.

It lacked any subtlety but possibly the sheer balls of saying this to McGonagall won Fred a great deal of laughter.

McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "I have certain standards, Weasley."

"Yeah, Fred. She likes her men tall, dark and handsome. You fail on three counts," said Lee. "I, however..."

"Jordan, if you wield both wands with the same dexterity that you wield this one, I'll be very afraid for any person you are ever with," said McGonagall smoothly. The class erupted into laughter.

Fred made his way back over, laughing hard. Even Angelina had cracked a smile.

"Cold as ice, these women we know," grumbled Lee. "Cold as fucking ice."

* * *

**Listen, all right. I'd love a review or two. I know quite a few people read this – last time I checked, 25 people had read the two chapters, which means at least 25 people don't mind this, and only one person has reviewed so far and that's because this is a challenge fic for them. **

**And I especially need a review as I'm considering where the romance will be in this. Lee's going to end at like... well, I don't know but he'll be an adult and have been one for a while, and he's going to have at least some romance. Might keep it canon but I really, really like gay or bi Lee, especially when that puts George with Lee. **

**So what does anyone think? Gay/Bi Lee – most likely bi, for that seems more canon given Lee's lust for Angelina (which could be a cover up to be fair, or him being undecided) and that in the Wizarding World, sexual orientation isn't that big a deal. **

**Gay/Bi Lee with George?**

**Or Straight Lee with OC (as it is likely to be an OC, as very few people end up with the person they've known since they were a child or the person they go to school with...)**

**Erm, I'm likely to have to decide this by next chapter. **

**ARGH IF YOU'VE READ DOWN TO HERE THEN YOU MAY AS WELL REVIEW ANYWAY. **

**(I really do want George/Lee. Possibly onesided Geoge/Lee. Lee fancying George quite majorly. But then keeping canon. Any objections?) **

**(If you don't say anything at all, you're all twats. I hope you enjoyed this all)**

**Until the next (which shouldn't be too long; I'm writing it right now when I should be revising given I've less than two hours before my exam)**

**Cait **

**X**

**(You could totally review and say GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR EXAMS CAIT THANKS FOR WRITING RATHER THAN REVISING SO YOU CAN TOTALLY FAIL YOUR A LEVELS WE APPRECIATE IT)**

**(Oh my god this thing is basically as long as the whole chapter.) **


	4. Warmth

.**.**.**So that was a good response... . **

**Warmth**

Lee was lying comfortably on his front on his bed, illustrating his Herbology essay. He and all of the Seventh Years had a free period, and it would appear that the two other blokes in the dormitory were elsewhere. They were all right but were a bit more focussed on school work than Fred, George and Lee, so never really formed proper friendships with them.

Probably for the best they weren't in, for George was currently lying on a bed which wasn't his, surrounded by potions ingredient s salvaged from the students' storeroom and Snape's own storeroom, carefully making notes and calculations to do with the blue, awful smelling potion Fred had brewing over a small fire. Every now and then it released a particularly noxious bubble which left all three boys gagging, until one of them – usually George – had the sense to cast an air clearing charm.

Which it did so now, particularly noisily too, which Lee hadn't been expecting and he started.

Bugger, ink all over his essay. And bed.

"Fuck!" Lee stared at his essay in dismay – he'd spent hours writing it (well, two of them) and it had been neat and nice (as neat as could be from writing on a bed, at least). And then the smell hit him and he gagged. George waved his wand quickly and the smell dispersed, but Lee was still staring down at his essay, mightily pissed off.

"All right Lee?" asked Fred, with red eyes from the fumes.

"My essay," said Lee flatly. It had been decent for once.

"Shouldn't be writing it on your bed then, should you?" Fred replied, not looking all that bothered.

"Completely ruined?" asked George. Lee held up the essay to show him, which was more ink than parchment now. Lee could make out about a sixth of the whole essay – and his beautiful picture of a Hoarse Chestnut was ruined.

George whistled. "Unlucky there, that's a bitch of an essay."

"You've done it?"

"Nah, but I looked at Alicia's."

"I'm not writing this all again!"

"Give it here, then."

Sceptically, Lee handed over his essay. George passed his wand over it, muttering a few words, and Lee was pleasantly surprised to see that it was helping. Slowly, ink was coming off and Lee's writing became more visible.

"George, give us the Billywig sprigs," said Fred, stirring the potion.

George grunted in reply but carried on fixing the essay.

"George, Billywig sprigs," Fred repeated. Never one for patience was Fred.

"Hang on."

"Billywigs, you wanker, come on!"

"I'll Billy your wig if you don't shut up," replied George.

"That doesn't even mean anything!"

"Sounds pretty dodgy, actually," said Lee.

"It was meant to," said George.

"Oi, watch out or I'll stir your cauldron," quipped Fred.

"Please do. I'll polish your wand!"

"Only if I can practise with your Beater's bat."

"Yeah, and I'll ride your broomstick."

"Now you're just getting crude," grinned Lee. "I'll clean your mess up, George."

"I've got better mess here. Thicker and stickier," said Fred.

"Fred's damn messy with it. Always gets all over his hands-"

"- On my legs-"

"- The chest-"

"- The face-"

The potion bubbled again, releasing a cloud of gas with it this time. The three choked and put their hands on their streaming eyes.

"That must be nearly done," gasped George.

"'Nother ten minutes, I reckon," Fred coughed.

"Brilliant," Lee choked. Fred performed the charm and also threw open the windows of the dormitory.

George wiped his eyes and handed the cleaned essay back to Lee.

"George, you're a bloody lifesaver."

"I know," he replied, going back to his observations. Lee was pleasantly surprised to find he was now on top of all his homework. He could do extra, but seriously, who did that?

Lee conjured a woodpecker which quickly got settled and started drilling the post of his bed. About half a minute later, the bird vanished, so Lee repeated the spell. And again. And again.

"Lee, that's bloody annoying," grumbled Fred from the floor. George grunted in agreement.

"You're brewing some shit in my dormitory and tell me I'm annoying after what, five minutes?"

"Yup," the twins replied in unison.

"Twats." Lee conjured a snake and played with that for a while, before that too vanished.

"You're really bad at that," Fred commented idly.

"Fuck off!" Lee cried defensively. "None of them manage to stay around very long!"

"Ours stay for longer," bragged Fred.

"Yours would. I bet they're bigger too, and bloody sparkle, don't they?" grumbled Lee. "Wait, 'ours'? George hasn't even done the damn lesson!"

"But I'm damn brilliant," said George.

"No way can you already conjure better things than me," scowled Lee. George looked up and smirked.

"Transfiguration is such a doss."

"Piss off. It's fucking difficult."

"Yeah, I'll bet."

Lee pulled himself to the end of his bed and faced George. "Go on, then. Do it. A Herbology essay if you can do it better than me."

George too sat up and copied Lee's position. "All right, then."

"One essay."

"One essay." Lee stuck out his hand and George did the same, but just before they met-

"DONE!" cried Fred. George and Lee turned around; the potion was now thick and not bubbling. George jumped off his bed and the twins did some intricate spell work.

"Oi! This bet!" Lee cried.

George waved a hand in his direction. "Yeah, yeah, give us a few minutes here."

Lee sighed and pulled out his Exploding Snap. By the time his tower reached his nose, Fred and George were sitting amidst piles of blue sweets.

"What are they?" asked Lee.

"Moulting Mints," Fred replied.

"Ah." He'd watch out for any time he smelt mints now. He really liked his dreadlocks.

"Your go to test," said Fred to George.

"Nah," protested George, "I did Mr Blue Guy!"

"And that failed, so it doesn't count."

"Fuck off does it not count." Lee remembered Mr Blue Guy. He'd introduced Fred and George to muggle music once, and they'd nicked and edited particularly famous song names for a few products. It was supposed to turn people blue, but all it had done was make George really gloomy and glum.

"C'mon George, don't be a pussy."

"C'mon Fred, don't be a wanker."

"Only a part time wanker. I've got a girlfriend," smirked Fred.

"Closest you two get to action is a bloody battle," countered George.

"Touché, brother. Both?"

"Plan." The twins each picked up a sweet, Lee sat up and prepared to run to Madame Pomfrey if necessary, and they both ate the sweet.

Nothing happened for a few minutes, Fred's and George's eyes were transfixed on the other, waiting to see if they started to moult.

Nothing happened. Lee's attention turned back to his card tower – just in time for it to explode.

Fred scowled. "Why's nothing happening?" he demanded.

George ran his hands through his hair, tugging it slightly, testing to see if it would come out. It didn't. Lee felt his singed eyebrows, which were indeed singed. "I reckon this has taken more hair off me than that did off you," he commented idly. Fred flicked two fingers up at him. Fred and George both reached for the parchment of calculations at the same time and began to argue over it – not that Lee took their bickering seriously; in all six years he'd known them, they'd never had a true argument. But he was getting bloody bored, and so he left the dodgy-smelling, slightly too warm and ginger infested dormitory in order to pursue actual conversations with the girls.

"I just don't want to think about not getting my five EEs. I mean, it's basically my life over. Not trying to be dramatic, but-" Florence was chewing her lip nervously.

Angelina nodded and ran a hand through her braids, "No, I get it. It's your dream, come on. It's like, rethink your whole life. I've been talking to Fred-"

"Joke shop?" Lee interrupted.

Angelina rolled her eyes. "Merlin, he won't shut up about it. 'When we get a joke shop..' 'Mine and George's shop...' 'in the shop...'."

"They'll be good, though," said Alicia fairly.

"Better than good," said Florence, disgruntled. "They'll do better than I ever do, because they've got charisma, even though I'll have worked my arse off..."

Alicia and Lee laughed; Florence looked up and sheepishly grinned. "Okay, I'll always have the – moral integrity? – of being a Healer and helping people, but..." Florence's eyes opened wide, and she quickly said, "I mean – if I get the required grades and get through it all-"

"It's fine, Floss, we know you're not being bigheaded," laughed Alicia. "What are you thinking about doing, Lee?"

Lee hesitated. He knew what he wanted, but it was possibly high hopes. "Well, I love commentating, really. Like, the – talking –" he paused and the three girls laughed, and he joined in. Katie Bell, who was sitting across the room with a few of her year, looked over and joined the four.

"I didn't mean like – like how it came out. I mean like, radio would be pretty cool. In the muggle world, they've got so many stations, compared to us with about three WWN stations. Being a radio journalist. That would just be so cool."

"Yeah," Katie nodded, "I could see you as that." Lee smiled broadly. "I'd have to have to decide all of that now," Katie continued. "I love Herbology and Quidditch – what would I make of that?"

"You could be like... Quidditch pitch supervisor?" Alicia offered.

"Is that a thing?" asked Angelina.

"Yes?" Alicia laughed.

"Sounds fucking boring," Katie laughed. Katie swearing felt so wrong, for Katie had perfect blue eyes and blonde hair and was perfect in so many ways, and the swearing appeared crude with her innocent impression. "What do you do, like, check the colour?"

"Clean up all the blood from it," Angelina offered.

"That's a nice thought."

A few hours later, when they'd all decided on brilliant careers options -"I could be a stripper!" from Angelina, as a worst case scenario (Lee didn't argue that idea), Fred and George came down from the dormitory, grinningly wildly. Yet somehow they didn't let on why they were grinning, and joined in with the careers conversation, getting disgustingly arrogant about being fantastic shop owners.

It wasn't until the boys entered the dormitory at night that Lee asked why they were so happy.

"So, it worked," Fred grinned.

George's face brightened. "And the antidote works."

"Entirely."

"It fucking works, Jordan," George half laughed, half grinned. The twins suddenly grabbed him and pulled him into a group hug, and rather outstayed their welcome, wrapped around his body. The room was very hot, and Lee was getting awfully hot, and the room suddenly tipped and the three were on the floor, sprawled over each other. Lee ended up rather awkwardly over George, with Fred sitting about on Lee's stomach, all three laughing loudly – and Lee felt a strange quick warmth on his stomach.

"Did you just fucking _fart_ on me?"

**GO ON PLEASE REVIEW YEAH? **

**'Til the next**

**Cait x**


	5. Light and Dark

**My laptop and the main household computers have both broken. Pain in the arse, I tell you. I've nicked my dad's laptop and am writing this chapter in one sitting instead of revising. So I might not get around to replying to reviews for a bit... sorry... **

**(To whydopeoplehavetoputnameshere, it's so lovely writers can know who you are! And thanks for reading and reviewing, and thanks for the thanks :L :L i'm definitely failing – got exam in six days and haven't started revising. And one the day after. And they're horrifically hard and I'm getting Us in them so far. BUT THANKS XX CAIT.)**

**EDIT: WOW MY DAD WAS LIKE YESTERDAY NIGHT "You free tomorrow morning? Mum's giving you funds for a laptop" AND I WAS SO EXCITED I COULDN'T SLEEP (I'm really sad) AND NOW I'VE GOT A LAPTOP THAT WORKS OH MY GOD THIS IS INCREDIBLE SO LET'S UPDATE THIS BETTER AS THIS CHAPTER WAS A BIT SHOCKING BUT YOU WON'T SEE HOW SHIT IT WAS.**

**:') It's only really Beeabeeon49 who reads this anyway :') **

* * *

**Light and Dark**

Lee awfully missed the Marauders' Map. Made sneaking about so much easier. Currently, he was loitering along the corridor from the Hufflepuffs' Common Room (which he knew the location of due to his short relationship with a Puff in the year below, and the Marauders' Map, and Fred and George's determination of being everywhere in the castle) and was waiting for Professor Vector to vanish from the area. Not that Lee was breaking curfew yet, but given the nature of his excursion...

"Dobby! My old pal, how are you doing?" The elf with the tea cosy on his head looked up at Lee with glee.

"Lejordin! Dobby is very happy to see Lejordin! Dobby is well, Sir, and would Lejordin like anything?"

"Thing is, Dobs," and the elf's smile got too big for his face at the nickname, bless him, "my friends Fred and George Weasley, you know them, and a few others, could really use a pick me up, you know what I mean?"

"Oh, Wheezies, Dobby knows Wheezies. Dobby can bring Butterbeer for the sirs?" the house elves in the room began pulling out a few crates of Butterbeer, but no, that wasn't really what Lee was after.

"Butterbeer's strong for you lot, I know, but us... we wouldn't mind something strong, you know?" Lee said delicately.

Dobby's eyes grew wide and solemn. "Students aren't meants to be having stronger than Butterbeer, Lejordin."

"Yeah, but Dobs, I'm seventeen – I'm nearly eighteen. I'm an adult and I'm Of Age, Dobby, so I can legally buy it and so I could get it anyway."

"But sir-"

"And the Weasleys really do need something strong, Dobby. Harry Potter too, he'd like some Firewhisky or Imagin."

At the casual dropping of 'Harry Potter', Dobby's eyes widened again and his face broke into a smile.

"Harry Potter is a good wizard, sir, Harry Potter is kind to Dobby."

"And so are the Weasleys, and me!"

"Dobby is being treated nicely by Wheezies and Lejordin." And Dobby flicked a finger at Lee and walked deeper into the kitchens. He followed Dobby into a cellar, where Dobby pulled out a large bottle of Moreen's Genuine Imagin.

"Blimey Dobby, you don't have to give us the good stuff," Lee muttered.

Dobby looked vaguely offended. "At Hogwarts, Lejordin, Professor Dumbledore requests only this, Lejordin, and so Dobby and his friends only have this, Lejordin." Lee hit the large bottle in his robes and Dobby led Lee out of the cellar to the door of the kitchens.

"Dobby, you're a real mate, thanks for this."

"Goodbye Lejordin! Dobby hopes to see sir again!"

The common room was busy but lacked the twins and most of their year, so, rightly, Lee headed to the dormitory. Fred was dramatically lying on his back on Lee's bed and scowling at the ceiling and bitching about Umbridge and Malfoy loudly and crudely, not giving any notice that he'd heard Lee enter. George, crossed-legged and looking moody from Fred's bed, just about managed a glance in Lee's direction. Lee noted neither had bothered to light the room, so they were sitting in semi-darkness. Really bloody dramatic were the Weasley Twins.

"-want to throw his fucking face into a wall next time I see him, the sodding scumbag-"

"-wish the old cunt would fuck off back to the swamp she spawned from – "

"Hey, look what I've got!" Lee interrupted, shaking the bottle of Imagin.

Fred raised his head briefly and got back into his angry tirade. "Next time I see his snidey little face, I swear to Merlin I'll-"

"-Walk on by laughing because punching him would get you in more trouble," Lee cut across Fred's dark tirade.

"Yeah, then sneak into his dormitory and tip Bubotuber Pus into his bed," said George.

"Not what I was going for," said Lee. Fred sat up on Lee's bed and took the bottle from him.

"Bottoms up," he said moodily before taking a swig.

**-OoO-**

Fred and George were back into their usual spirits the next day, helped by having spent the night in the intoxicated hallucinations given by the Imagin, and spent quite a lot of the time bewitching snowballs to hit the Gryffindor common room window, and even Angelina Johnson found it hilarious when they hit Ron square in the face after he'd bellowed down at them. Katie Bell and Alicia Spinnet were, of course, in peals of laughter already, skating around on the frozen lake and collapsing onto the white snow. It was a good thing the weather was like this, Lee reflected, as it was damn hard to stay in a bad mood with this weather.

But regardless, it was shaping up that the DA was the best part of Lee's life now, as there weren't any Quidditch matches for a few weeks. The DA was the light of many people's lives at the moment, giving them happiness when they needed light – sounded mightily soppy, Lee knew. But George with impressive charm work soon charmed a dummy to have Umbridge's face, which they all attacked with gusto.

Lee could see the lights in the eyes of the DA members as they crossed paths with one another. It was power against The Bitch, student power as it had never been before. Harry Potter brought happiness to those beaten down by The Bitch. Other than the hilarity of Fred and George's experiments side effects - Lee'd walked in when they were comparing boils, and promptly walked out again, vaguely traumatized (yes, they really _were_ identical in every way) - the DA was the best thing in his life right now. There was so much work going on, for apparently N.E.W.T. exams were _important. _The exams were all some people ever talked about.

"And in Transfiguration, I swear, I can't even do _Aguamenti _verbally. What if it comes up? I can't do it non-verbally, I just can't-" Alicia broke off as Lee "missed" George and his Jelly-Legs jinx nearly hit Alicia. They were supposed to be deeply into practising the shield charm so well they could do it without thinking.

And Alicia bloody Spinnet would not shut up about the exams. She was partnered with Florence Pilkington, as she usually was, and the two would not give it a rest.

"Lee, watch where you're flailing your wand, will you?" she said, sounding in a huff.

"Sure, sorry Alicia!" Lee yelled back. He met George's eye and they both grinned. Other than that, it was a welcome relief from the professors and definitely was 'the light of his life' right now and - oh, Merlin. Fred and Angelina were wrapped around each other in the corner of the room. Classy.

**-OoO-**

The trip to Hogsmeade a few weeks after the Quidditch incident was very welcome. It wasn't exactly a legal visit, but a group of their year sneaked off down one of Fred and George's secret passageways. Not in a dodgy way. Lee's usual crowd – him, Fred, George, Angelina, Alicia and Florence, and then the two other Gryffindor boys came along, and then a few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. There was also, surprisingly, Flora Davis, a Slytherin in their year who apparently George was attracted to. She did have monstrously large tits and long curly hair, and was a good laugh for a Slytherin.

Madam Rosmerta didn't seem to have the heart to kick the lot of them out, and she even promised to warn them if anyone who'd mind them being out was in (Lee liked to think she did this because of his charming of her) so they sat the back of the pub, all around a large table and slurping Butterbeers. Fred had his arm around Angelina, and they were - sickeningly sweetly - sipping from each other's drinks. They didn't look far from licking the foam off each other's faces.

Lee chatted up a blushing Hufflepuff in his Herbology class, Fred got his face slapped by Angelina, their roommate Jack snogged a Ravenclaw. It was a damn good day.

**Yeah, all right, it's a bit short. You'll get over it. Not sure when you'll get the next update, but it'll be an easier one for me to write, I'll tell you that much. **

**Until the next (whenever it may be),  
Cait x**


	6. Help

**This was written in Notepad because I've still not got MS Word on this... Ugh, editing will be so much fun. **

**BUT HEY I'VE GOT THE WORST EXAM OF MY LIFE ON WEDNESDAY AND I CANT REVISE FOR IT BECAUSE I KEEP GETTING POEMS OR THINGS TO WRITE IN MY HEAD YAYYAYYAY TO FAILING CHEMISTRY.**

* * *

**Help**

There was some sort of commotion going on in the dorm. It wasn't quite the end of term, but near enough that work had winded down a bit and the five boys in the dormitory had gone to bed quite late, so Lee had quickly fallen into a deep sleep, and was quickly roused.

"Fuck's sake," groaned Jack Howell from the bed beside Lee's, "Shut the fuck up."

"Mr Weasley," said a familiar voice. Lee groaned and sat up. There was a glow of a wand around George's bed.

"Mr Weasley, wake up, Mr Weasley." Blimey, it was Professor McGonagall, tapping George lightly on the shoulder. George's bleary eyes soon opened, growing wide at who was waking him up and he yanked the sheets comically high.

"Wha-" said George groggily.

McGonagall paused and pursed her lips. "It's your father. He's been hurt," she said curtly.

George frowned. "What?" He repeated.

"Your father's been hurt; I'm taking your siblings and you to Professor Dumbledore's office."

Lee rubbed his head. What was going on?

George blinked and it seemed to register with him. Lee and the other two boys just stared, bewildered, as George jumped onto Fred's bed and began to savagely awaken his twin, apparently not caring he was in his boxers in front of Professor McGonagall.

"Fred, Fred you twat, wake up!"

Fred made an incoherent murmuring and turned over.

"Fred wake up, you utter prat! It's Dad!"

"What?" groaned Fred, trying to turn away from the light.

"Dad's been hurt! Get up!" George hit Fred over the head and climbed off.

Fred stared around the room, still looking half asleep, and met Lee's eyes. "Is this some elaborate joke?" asked Fred, rubbing his eyes.

"No, Mr Weasley, it's not," said McGonagall, and was Lee just imagining her voice softening?

"Bloody hell, hello Professor," he said, now sounding more awake.

McGonagall lit the room. "Make your way to the common room and I'll meet you there with your sister," she said, and left the dormitory. None of the boys spoke for a moment. All Lee could really see was Fred's red hair standing near on end and George's arse, green in his skimpy boxers.

"What's going on?" asked Fred softly. Bloody hell, he looked - hesitant. Fred Weasley, looking hesitant. Christ, that wasn't right.

"Dunno," George replied. Fred suddenly seemed to remember where - and who - he was, for he coughed and jumped up, pulling on a dressing gown and his pyjama bottoms and George began to dig out his pyjamas from his trunk.

"What - what's going on?" asked Jack Howell, sitting upright in his bed. The twins left without showing they'd heard Jack, George still pulling on his dressing gown as they left.

Jack looked at Lee. "What just happened?" he said, sounding bewildered. Lee didn't answer.

**-OoO-**

The twins weren't back by the morning. Lee made his way down to breakfast with his remaining dorm mates, discussing what had happened in the night. On the Gryffindor table there was a distinct lack of gingers - no Fred, George, Ron or Ginny Weasley. Lee also noticed Hermione Granger sitting with three boys in her year, with no sign of Harry Potter, deep in conversation. Umbitch at the staff table was looking particularly disgruntled that morning, McGonagall was looking particularly stiff and even Dumbledore hadn't his usual morning smile.

"Morning Lee, where's Fred and George?" said Angelina, sitting down next to Lee on the table.

Lee swallowed his mouthful. "Um - something weird happened last night."

"Oh Merlin," said Florence Pilkington, sitting opposite Lee, "were they experimenting again?"

"Not exactly-"

The black boy in Harry Potter's year, sitting by Hermione Granger, leaned into the Seventh years' conversation. "Oh yeah! Fred and George probably left too."

The Seventh years turned in confusion towards the black boy - Dean Thomas? Lee recognised him from the DA. There were a group of Fourth years - presumably Ginny Weasley's friends - who too showed interest in the conversation.

"Ron, leaving in the middle of the night with Harry," Dean Thomas clarified.

"Someone tell me this from the start," said Florence in confusion.

Lee cleared his throat. "So," he spoke in his commentating voice, "it's the middle of the night, Shafie's snoring is penetrating all of our dreams -"

"Hey!"

"- and then we all wake up to a noise - it's McGonagall, and she's like 'FUCKING WAKE UP, WEASLEY-'"

"In those exact terms?" Hermione asked dryly. Smartarse.

"Okay, more, 'Mr Weasley, Mr Weasley, wake up Mr Weasley' or something. And well, she woke all of us up, saying that their dad's been hurt and took them to Dumbledore's office. Didn't even let them get dressed! Well, she let them put pyjamas on, given they don't sleep in much-"

"Merlin! Is their dad okay?" said Angelina, completely shocked.

"We know what happened," said Dean Thomas impressively, gesturing to himself and the two other Fifth year boys, "It's all to do with Harry."

"It's always to do with that boy," sighed Alicia Spinnet.

"I woke up in the middle of the night, and I've not a clue what's going on, Harry's in bed rolling and yelling, Ron and Neville are on his bed trying to wake him up, me and Seamus are like, What the fuck is going on?" The sandy-haired kid next to Dean Thomas looked up briefly. A large group of Gryffindors - and Lee notices the blonde Loony Lovegood hanging around, listening in. The final roommate of the girls' was too listening in interest.

"And Harry sits up," Dean continued, "White face, all sweaty and that, and chunders over the side of the bed. Nev here's running to get McGonagall-" round-faced Neville Longbottom blushed at all eyes on him, "and Harry gabbles about a snake biting Mr Weasley. Next minute McGonagall's rushing him and Ron off to Dumbledore."

"So then she gets Fred and George up-" said Lee.

"And she got Ginny up, Merlin, Ginny looked terrified," said a mousy-haired Fourth year girl.

"Blimey," said Jack Howell, "and no one's seen the Weasley's since, then."

"I hope Mr Weasley's going to be all right," said Hermione nervously.

Lee swallowed - he'd not really thought of Mr Weasley. He hoped he would be okay; in that one summer he'd been allowed to spend a week at The Burrow with Fred and George, he'd really gotten to like Arthur Weasley. It was unfortunate that the three of them wreaked so much havoc that Lee'd never been allowed back.

"D'you think they're in St Mungos, then?" Angelina asked.

"Must be," said Eslam Shafie, "if he's hurt enough that they're pulled out of school."

"You don't - you don't think he's - dead, do you?" asked Florence.

No one answered. He could be.

"What the hell's up with Potter and Fred and George's dad?" asked Jack Howell through some tea.

"If it were to do with anyone, it would be him," repeated Alicia.

"Think there's anything we can do for them?" asked Florence.

"I hope Fred's okay," Angelina said quietly. The two had just broken up again - a mixture of Fred's humorous sexism, Angelina's close contact with the Head Boy, and Fred's general immaturity.

"We'll have a drink for them tonight, yeah?" Lee offered, for tonight was a party for the older Gryffindors: a celebration for Alicia Spinnet and Lee himself turning eighteen, and the end of term. Okay, Lee'd been eighteen for nearly a month now, but they'd postponed the party for school purposes.

"Maybe," said Jack, chewing thoughtfully, "Maybe Potter's slowly bumping off all the Weasleys."

Angelina blinked. "What?"

"Well, there's the thing with their little sister-"

"She got taken into the Chamber of Secrets, Jack! It wasn't Potter's doing!" protested Angelina.

"But he was involved-"

"Wait," Lee interrupted, "why would he kill off the Weasleys? He's always there for summer and Christmas and stuff - Mrs Weasley and Bill came to see him in the Triwizard Tournament!"

"Yeah, but the Weasley he's friends with-"

"Ron," said Angelina.

"- Yeah, he was hanging around with you and Fred and George for ages last year, wasn't he?" Jack took a sip of his tea, as if showing his point proven.

Lee was still quite baffled. "What?"

"His Weasley friend -"

"Ron," said Angelina.

"- Yeah, he rejected Potter! So Potter's coming back at the Weasleys! Potter is a bit off his nut."

"But Ginny was in the Chamber three years ago. Ron and Harry had that fight last year," Lee pointed out.

Eslam Shafie scratched his stubble. "Maybe he's so off the rocker that he thinks his friends are conspiring against him."

"He's nice," said Alicia. "He's always sweet when I talk to him. I don't think he made all of last year's stuff up."

"Just because he's got the Weasleys' support," scoffed Jack. Actually, Lee figured that the talk Harry'd done at the start of the DA convinced most people of his sanity. But they couldn't really bring that up around Jack and Eslam, for neither were in the DA.

"I thought Harry was killing off the Weasleys," said Lee slowly.

"Oh, yeah. Maybe - maybe he wants their house and money."

No one dignified that with an answer.

**-OoO-**

Lee, fit with a flashing, singing, spinning "Holy crap, I'm eighteen!" badge (courtesy of his sister Mel) pinned to the thick, stripy woollen jumper he wore, planted himself next to Angelina on a comfy sofa. "All right?" he said.

"I hope they are all right," she replied. It was painfully obvious who she was talking about.

"They're Fred and George. They'll bounce back."

Angelina rolled her eyes. "And everything in this year is always about Fred and George! I can't even break up with Fred properly because then he's back so soon I can't get over him!"

Lee wrinkled his brow. "Uh - Ange, their dad's been injured, yeah things are quite to do with the Weasleys right now."

"No," she rolled her eyes again, "But I mean - look at this! They aren't here and this party is shit!"

"Thanks."

"We might not get back together, you know," she said offhandedly.

"Good. The final battle is won - THE WAR CAN BE ENDED," Lee cried dramatically, throwing up his hands for emphasis.

Angelina fixed Lee with a glare. "I'm being serious, Lee."

"Oh. Well. That's tragic, then. I don't know what I'll do without the energetic make up snogging in my life," he replied.

"Merlin's sake, Lee!" said Angelina crossly, kicking his leg.

"Ow, my God Angelina, kick me while I'm down, why don't you?"

"Can't you tell I'm trying to have a deep, emotional conversation?"

"I'm being evasive. Take everything stereotypical about blokey blokes and put it on me - the whole unreachable emotions, big beefy muscles-"

"The smell of wet dogs..."

"Yeah!" They both laughed.

"So, what did you get for your birthday?" asked Angelina.

"Lots of things," said Lee with glee. "In the muggle world, you know eighteen is the big year? So all of my mum's side of the family got me so much - but mum's only hinted at what they've got me; I get it properly when we go back for Christmas. But Mum sent-"

"ANGIE! LEEEEE!" A fairly intoxicated Alicia Spinnet stood in front of them, in a remarkably neon dress, holding a clear bottle. "Let me spike your drinkies!"

Before Lee or Angelina could say otherwise, she tipped a healthy toke of the clear liquid into Angelina's goblet.

"Oh - thanks," said Angelina dubiously.

"Hey, Liss, give me some," said Lee, holding out his goblet. She poured a third of the bottle into Lee's goblet - but he wasn't complaining.

Alicia beamed at them, hugged them both and told them how she loved them both and how such _brilliant _friends they both were, she vanished into the throng of Gryffindors, allowing an uncomfortable-looking Hermione Granger to stand awkwardly by Angelina and Lee.

"Hello Hermione, enjoying the party?" said Angelina.

"Oh - yes, I suppose I am, I just - you two are the most sober people that I know in here," she replied.

"Sit," Lee gestured to the seat beside him. She was quite good looking really - that hair had attitude, and she pulled off natural beauty well. Lee knew Fred had fancied her for a bit (while he was still with Angelina) but George had told him seriously that Ron had 'priority' over Granger. Lee imagined George would get a knee to the balls if Hermione Granger - or Angelina, actually - ever heard him say that.

Hermione sat, cradling a Butterbeer in her hands. "Happy birthday, by the way, Lee."

"Thanks Hermione," he grinned at her and took a sip. Lee coughed. Merlin, that was strong.

"Have you heard from Fred and George?" asked Hermione.

"No," said Angelina, "but they only left this morning."

"I hope Mr Weasley isn't too hurt," said Hermione, biting her lip.

"Weasleys are tough," Lee said cheerily. "It takes tough innards to keep so pasty in - uh, Scotland."

"I wish we could do something to help," said Hermione, as if Lee had said nothing - to be fair, Lee HAD said nothing.

"What can we do? Can't even be there," said Angelina.

"Well, we can help them by putting on a brave face and enjoying this party," said Lee. "See-" Lee started to chug his drink. He failed and coughed, sending Butterbeer and spirits and spit flying everywhere.

"Classy, Jordan," Angelina rolled her eyes.

"Just trying to help," he offered meekly.

"Don't," Angelina replied.

Hermione took a cautious sip of her Butterbeer. "There must be something we can do," she said.

"Do you fancy Ron Weasley?" Angelina asked abruptly.

Hermione's face turned a bright, impressive red colour. "What?" she gasped.

"Points to Angie for sensitivity," said Lee. Angelina kicked him again.

"You're always with him. And you're really worried about his dad." Angelina was an incredible woman. Minutes ago, she was looking vulnerable and morose - now she was brisk and cutting and badass and painful.

"I've spent two summers with Mr Weasley; he's a really nice man," Hermione spluttered.

"Not the only really nice man on your mind, right?" said Angelina.

"Mione," Lee stretched his arms around Angelina's and Hermione's shoulders.

"-Don't touch me," said Angelina, pushing off his arm.

"Don't call me 'Mione'," said Hermione, pushing off his arm.

"I've forgotten what I was going to say now," Lee grumbled.

Hermione sniffed. "I don't 'fancy' Ron Weasley."

"Sure you don't," said Lee, winking at Angelina knowingly.

"I just want to help the Weasleys," insisted Hermione, still very pink in the face.

"Write them a letter then," suggested Lee.

Hermione chewed her lip again. "I might. I won't be seeing them over Christmas."

"'To my darling Ron,'" Lee lifted a hand to where he thought his heart was, "'Though you are indubitably deeply anguished from the incident with your father-'"

Hermione stood up, smiling. "Or not, but it's been nice talking to you, Angelina, Lee," and left the two.

"See, Angie? That's how you help someone."

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**Yeah, how was that? It's quite long, for this at least. **

**UNTIL THE NEXT**

**CAIT **

**X**


	7. Broken

**I feel like it's been a long time since the last update but it's not actually been that long. But yeah, this was another toughie to write :L and it's not been read through by the usual crowd who are lovely enough to do so, so it's just me who's read it, but I wanted to upload it already, so...**

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**Broken**

After the eventful end of term, Lee was finding Christmas at home in London quite boring. He'd been home a week, and he already had four walks to look at the Christmas lights; once with his mum, his sister Mel and Mel's boyfriend; once with Thomas and Lee's Auntie Liv and Thomas's boyfriend (who was charming, actually); once on his own; once on his own to get out of doing the washing up. Lee and Mel couldn't do magic with Mel's boyfriend in the house until she told him that she was a witch. It was a pain in the arse; Lee wished she'd get it over with. He was an all right bloke, treated Lee as Mel's kid brother but he was decent in it.

Lee's mum certainly thought he was brilliant.

Fred and George had sent him a letter saying their dad was all right, which Lee was glad to read. Bit jealous though, given Fred and George were now back living at the heart of the resistance against You-Know-Who, while Lee was peeling potatoes. By hand. Because Mel's stinking boyfriend wouldn't leave, so Lee and Mel couldn't use magic. Even Mel was getting annoyed with it; she kept trying to get her boyfriend to leave the kitchen so they could take a shortcut, but the man was obsessed with Mel. Lee's mum was preparing the Christmas dinner and getting arsy with Lee and Mel for not doing a good enough job, and Lee was getting arsy with his mum for hosting the dinner (again) and Mel was getting arsy with their mum because Mel wanted to move out soon and their mum didn't want that happening. It was a good thing the boyfriend was here, or they'd be having a loud argument, and Lee's big mouth was a family trait.

But.

Lee and Mel were going to their father's in four days. Lee'd not seen his father since the Quidditch World Cup, a year and a half ago. And because Mel and Lee spent so little time with their dad that time dragged out and they didn't have much fun and it was strained and awkward.

So despite the ill feelings currently in the room, Lee rather wanted to stay there.

**-OoO-**

Christmas went nicely. Certainly there were no real mishaps other than Lee's nana criticising his dreadlocks – she was going blind, she had to be. Lee's hair was beautiful – and Auntie Liv starting on Lee's lack of girlfriend, and Lee really didn't need his mum fighting on his behalf why he currently had no girlfriend. He could have one if he wanted one – Florence Pilkington laughed at his jokes a lot. Although he'd not really fancied dating any of the girls he knew; any of them he wanted to ever go on a date with, he'd already dated by now. Except for Angelina, but perhaps that was the forbidden nature – but Lee could not mess with The Code (and Angelina had rejected him so many times).

And – they were just so damn boring. All of the girls Lee knew were _up_ for a good laugh, but they weren't a good laugh themselves. Lee liked snogging women, but a relationship... Lee liked how he didn't have constraints. He didn't want to have to devote evenings to seeing a girl because she had a claim over him, didn't want to be confined to having just one girl. Yeah, all right, maybe that meant he was eighteen and still a virgin, and Fred and George delighted in reminding Lee of the fact, but life wasn't about sex, was it. (Lee wished his was, mind).

Dad had a new girlfriend, Yvonne Montgomery. Rather awkwardly, she was the mother of a girl in Ravenclaw, a year below Lee who he'd fingered in an empty corridor after a Quidditch match a year ago. His mum wasn't bad looking either; she was quite young really. Worked as a Welcome Witch at St Mungo's, and was complaining about the idiots she dealt with every Christmas. She had some entertaining tales to share, such as flying toddlers on leads, but after they were over, Dad started talking about work. He worked performing specialty charms to do with houses, but it was deathly dull.

Mel and Lee pulled faces at each other across the dinner table, starting off nice and tame with wrinkled noses and showing the chewed up food in their mouths, and ending with small charms on their own faces. Dad didn't notice, but to Mel and Lee's delight his girlfriend did and starting joining in, having the three of them in giggles for a few minutes before Dad even noticed.

"Am I boring you?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"A little, darling," Yvonne responded, reaching across the table to stroke his hand.

Ew. Mel pulled a face.

"Oh, grow up. We've had sex," Lee's father said with a fond smile at the blonde witch opposite him.

"Dad!" Lee cried, aghast.

"No, I did _not_ hear that!" said Mel, bringing her hands to her face.

After a few moments of laughter from Lee's dad and his girlfriend, Dad asked, "So, Lee, how's Hogwarts? Which subjects have you kept?"

"I'm doing DADA, Transfiguration, Charms, Herbology and Muggle Studies."

"Your mother's a muggle! What are you doing Muggle Studies for?" frowned Dad. They'd had this conversation last year at the Quidditch World Cup, before Lee's sixth year.

"Well – it's fun. And I'm good at it, and it's a nice NEWT to have, you know, shows off the kind of person I am," said Lee.

"Still best friends with the Weasleys?" asked Dad.

"Yeah, but we hang out with the girls in our year too."

"What are your plans for after Hogwarts?"

"Not sure, Dad. I might travel a bit and then get a job somewhere."

Lee's father nodded and turned to Mel. "Mel, what are your plans?"

"I'm still working in the Red Lion in Westminster, Dad."

"Westminster? Bit posh," remarked Yvonne. "Not many magic folk there though, are there?"

"No," said Mel, chewing a potato, "but it's good money and my boyfriend and quite a few of my friends are muggles, so at least that's easy."

Silence fell after this until Yvonne started talking more about her work.

It wasn't fun coming from a 'broken home'. Dad was so out of touch with him and Mel that conversations were stilted and awkward, and he was never sure of their ages so there was an awkward trip to pet some baby griffins that the two weren't so fond of.

Lee remembered the divorce. Of course he did, everyone does. And there's always one thing a child from a broken home remembers – Lee knew a girl who lived near him whose parents had divorced, and her notable memory was that she completed a jog in the time 37:17. Lee remembered his mum and dad sitting him and Mel at the table and them all having an Indian takeaway.

Lee had just taken a bite of Chicken Tikka Masala when Dad told them they were splitting up. Mum had protested and gotten annoyed, because she had wanted to tell Lee and Mel after dinner, but Dad thought it better just to blurt it out. He couldn't sit on things for long.

Lee had been twelve at the time, and two days later he was off to Fred and George's for a week. He didn't tell them his parents had split up, and instead Lee had behaved awfully whilst there, aided by Fred and George rather than the other way around for once, and so had never been invited back. He told George about it a few months later, in Hogwarts, when they'd been alone in the dorm together, as Fred had had a detention.

George had sworn a few times and they'd shared an awkward man hug. It was about then Lee had really noticed the differences between the twins, because when Lee told Fred, Fred had made a few insensitive jokes and had tried to change the conversation, and he certainly didn't dare hug his best mate.

And it was okay, it really was. It didn't ruin Lee's life and he wouldn't claim every personality defect on the divorce – it was just that, with Hogwarts being boarding, there was little time he could spend with his parents, and now the time had to be divided up... and he missed his dad. Missed how they'd had a good relationship, once upon a time. But that sort of feeling didn't really get to Lee, not properly, not until he was really drunk.

Someone knocked on Lee's bedroom door.

"Yeah?"

"It's me," said Mel, and came in.

"I could be starkers in here," grumbled Lee.

"I've seen naked men before," she replied and sat down on Lee's bed.

"You're my sister. You shouldn't look at my naked body. I'm so intensely good looking that you'd make a mess in your knickers."

"Yeah, little bro, keep dreaming that you turn your big sister on."

"Sounds weird when you say it like that."

"Sounds weird anytime, baby bruv." Mel waved her wand around and changed the colours of Lee's possessions wandlessly. "How do you like Yvonne," asked Mel.

"She seems nice."

"You know her daughter? I remember her, she's the year below you, isn't she? Total slag, even in her fourth year. Nicked my mate Janice's boyfriend." Maybe Lee wouldn't say how he knew the girl.

"Nah, she's all right. I've seen her around a bit."

"You reckon Mum's looking for a boyfriend?"

Lee hadn't ever thought of it. "Not sure? You spend more time with her than I do."

Mel smiled cruelly at him, "Does it not hurt that the whole of the family might be in a relationship but you aren't?"

"I don't want a girlfriend. Girls are nice to snog and laugh with, but I don't want to ruin any of my friendships."

"None of them want you, basically."

"Piss off," Lee replied, "they just think I'm so far out of their league that it's not worth even trying."

"The twins you hang about with, Percy Weasley's little brothers, they've got girlfriends don't they?"

"Fred does, he's with Angelina Johnson. She's Quidditch captain. Well, they just broke up again, but they'll probably get back together."

"The black chaser?"

"Yeah."

"You think she's hot, don't you?" Mel said, toying with Lee's now spotty Gryffindor scarf.

"She's one of my best friends. I can't really think of her in that way," said Lee.

"What about the other?"

"He's not got a girlfriend."

"Boyfriend?"

"Nah."

Mel looked like she was going to say something else but instead upped and left, leaving Lee's room looking very yellow and black – Mel had been a Hufflepuff at Hogwarts.

Not that there had been much to turn other than his walls, curtains, bed sheets and suitcase.

And he was damn bored again, pissing hell. Lee hadn't bothered to bring any school work, hadn't bothered to bring much with him as he could always apparate back home if needed. He couldn't be arsed, though. He just sat, brooding on his bed in the growing darkness.

Until Dad came in to laugh at him for brooding on his bed in the growing darkness, and he and Mel were hauled out with Yvonne for a drink at The Leaky Cauldron.

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**And how was it? I'd love a review; they make my day, I don't care how short. **

**Until the next, **

**Cait x**

**and I'd love to know what you didn't like, so I can improve. **


	8. Smile

**Hey. SO I'VE FINISHED SCHOOL. That's what's happened since last update. And a lot of hangovers have happened. **

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**Smile**

The day before New Year's Eve saw Lee sitting in the Leaky Cauldron again, cradling a warm Butterbeer between his hands and waiting for Fred and George. They'd been very insistent that he come along and meet them, but Lee wasn't sure what it was about. But they were late, of course, and Tom the barkeeper kept giving Lee sympathetic looks, like he thought Lee had been stood up, because he kept checking the time.

When they did eventually show up, a whole hour and fifteen minutes after they'd told Lee to be there, Lee was sitting at the same seat again but this time with a brand new quill and a harmonica that could easily switch between keys by the tap of a wand.

"All right, Jordan?" said George in greeting, peering into Lee's bags.

"Get out of there, you nosy twat," said Lee, swatting him away.

"A quill? How boring," remarked George, as Fred ordered three Butterbeers.

"Yeah, 'cause _you_ ruined that last one," Lee said, but George ignored him and pulled out the harmonica.

"Why've you bought this?" asked George.

"It was sixty-nine percent off," grinned Lee. All three of them giggled as Fred handed out the drinks.

"Drink quickly, yeah Lee, we've got an appointment."

"I've been here an hour and a quarter, you fuckwits," he grumbled.

"An hour? Merlin, why?" George asked, a moustache of froth lining his top lip.

Lee stared at him and Fred, who had just moved around to George's side. "You said to meet at two! It's a quarter past three already!"

"We said two? Really?" said Fred.

Lee pulled a crumpled piece of parchment from his pocket. George leaned in. "Oh, look, he's right, Fred. We said two."

"Oh yeah, and then she changed the time."

"Crazy, isn't it."

"Anyway Leela, drink up. We're running late," said Fred, finishing the rest of his Butterbeer.

"You can bloody talk," Lee grumbled again.

"I know I can – I've got a mouth, see," replied Fred.

"Use it for something useful, yeah?"

"Like licking Angelina's delectable snatch?" Lee made a moan of disgust and finished his Butterbeer.

"Won't be doing that soon though, will you," George reminded Fred. Shocked flashed on Fred's face for a moment, but he laughed it off and finished George's Butterbeer, despite his protests. Flecks of froth hit Lee as the twins grappled with the dregs of the Butterbeer.

After the first barstool was broken, Tom grinned his toothless grin and made the goblets hit the twins over the head until they got out of the pub.

"Right," began Fred, turning serious. As serious as he ever was, at least. He handed a scrap of parchment bearing an address in Hogsmeade to Lee. "Meet you there," he said, and Fred and George twisted out of sight.

Lee blinked and focussed on the address as he deliberately exerted determination on his destination.

In Hogsmeade, outside of a dilapidated abandoned shop, near by the Hogs Head pub. Fred and George stood next to him, grinning. A professional looking witch was standing by the door, wearing very smart, very immaculate robes; a stark contrast from the grubby looking building, and Fred and George's hand-me-down robes and ripped jeans.

"Are you both Mr Weasley," the witch asked Fred and George.

"Yes, you must be Miss J- Jackyou?" asked Fred, sticking out his hand.

"Miss Jakhu, yes," she replied, not-so-subtly waving her wand at her hand. "And your friend?"

Fred and George in sync put an arm around Lee's waist. George winked at the woman, "Lover, actually."

She balked a little at the idea of the twins sharing Lee, and he too winked at the woman and leaned back into the twins. Fred raised his hand to stroke Lee's cheek softly and grinned wickedly at Miss Jakhu. Ugh, Fred's hand was sticky. Lee pushed it from his face once she turned away.

"If you would, follow me and we'll get started," she said warily, and Fred sniffed his hand.

"Just Butterbeer," he muttered petulantly.

The witch showed them three rooms all of similar sizes, dark and dingy, but "the redeeming feature of the property, which is admittedly darker and perhaps in a worse location that you requested, is here we have a wide, open garden, good for socialising..."

Fred and George clearly weren't listening to the woman, and Fred was being particularly obstinate in running his fingers across the wall and tutting at the dirt on his finger.

"Simply won't do, will it, Georgie?"

"This hovel certainly won't do, I agree," George replied, examining the grimy window. "You'd think someone would perform even the slightest of cleaning charms."

"Oh, found the mouse family home," said Fred, peering over a rotting chair.

"I think I found the family graveyard," Lee muttered, having found a few mouse corpses.

Fred turned to Miss Jakhu. "What's the structural integrity of the building? Especially of the smallest room; we're planning quite – uh, energetic activities in it."

The witch's gaze flicked to George and Lee quickly as she answered, and George pinched Lee's arse quickly, scaring the crap out of Lee, and Fred began quizzing her about more matters.

"Oi, George, you buying a hideout for stolen goods then?" Lee asked.

"Joke shop, you twat," said George, lighting his wand and entering the darkest of the three rooms.

Lee stopped still. "You're buying a shop?" he asked.

George leant his ear against the wall and tapped it. "Trying to, if we find a nice enough place. Why do we want a bloody great garden? We want more shop space, it should be more open and we need a damn good testing room."

Lee followed him out of the room, feeling weirdly like a child with his parents as George shook his head at Fred.

"No good."

"What, for after NEWTs?" Lee tailed George like a lost puppy.

Miss Jakhu opened her briefcase and three sheets of paper popped out. Fred, George and Lee were given an address; 18 Diagon Alley.

When looking around this clearly nicer location, Lee tried to get more out of the twins. He asked Fred, "Why am I here?"

Fred shrugged. "Why not?"

"You could say because you missed me or something," he replied.

Fred and George both laughed.

"This property has recently become available; I'm sure you'll agree there is a great improvement in cleanliness and care for the building..."

Fred was rummaging through the cupboards under the counter at the shop front; Miss Jakhu was staring disapprovingly at him but he didn't notice. George had found a staircase and Miss Jakhu hurried to inform him that there was even more available shop space up there, even a nice little balcony to view Diagon Alley.

"This is quite nice," Fred remarked, pulling out a tea cosy from a drawer.

"Lots of space," Lee agreed.

"Although I wouldn't mind more shop front. And more in the main alley."

It was true, this was a side street off Diagon Alley that Lee hadn't ever gone down. And if the twins were to own a shop – Christ, people were starting to grow up and get jobs and holy fuck – it would be somewhere in your face. Like the twins themselves.

"It's nice upstairs," George said as he came down. Fred dashed upstairs quickly to check it out; Miss Jakhu was still talking and no one was listening.

The twins spent another twenty minutes or so chatting to each other about incomprehensible product related babble, Lee was shocking Miss Jakhu by stroking Fred's arm and whispering in their ears from time to time.

"I think we're done here, Miss Jackal," George said.

She pursed her lips, looking remarkably like McGonagall. "Jakhu."

There were two other locations before the one Lee could see Fred and George really liked. She informed the twins that it was the most expensive but the location and its building was worth the price.

And she was right; number 93 Diagon Alley was on the main street, had a great big window space, two large rooms, a whole second story, and even informed there was a small flat on the second floor, if they wanted it. It only had three rooms; a medium sized kitchen/living room, a bedroom just a bit bigger than the one Fred and George shared at The Burrow. A small bathroom too, looked a bit grotty but with Mrs Weasley's touch it was sure to be decent.

Lee could sense Fred and George's enthusiasm about the place, and so could Miss Jakhu. She was finally giving the impression that possibly she could smile as she discussed the 'location'. After a small conversation in which Fred and George competed for finding the best thing about this place, they thanked Miss Jakhu – calling her "Jacket", but she could hardly complain about racism when Lee was clearly their shared, black, gay lover.

Although as Fred called him a variety of names from Deleelah to "my dusky beauty", perhaps she could.

Outside Florean Fortescues, the three of them chatted about the shops they'd seen around with hot sundaes - in George's case, ice-cream. Fred and Lee very much liked number 95, and George agreed, but he was still considering number 18. George liked the idea of making that street their own, dragging in people to that small street because they were just so damn good. Fred preferred the idea of taking over the high street. Lee pointed out the attractive shop assistant in the shop next to number 95, and that appeared to carry the most weight in the discussions.

"How was Christmas, Lee?" George asked, after they'd exhausted the argument.

"Good, yeah. Usual lot. Pain in the arse because we can't do magic around Mel's boyfriend."

"They still together?" said Fred, "Bugger. Your sister is damn hot."

Lee rolled his eyes. "You're really not her type. And enough with the sister, what if I started saying Ginny was hot?"

Fred and George both scowled. "She's like, fourteen though. It's perverted," said Fred.

"She's got a boyfriend too, anyway," George said, still scowling at Lee.

Fred whipped his head around. "What?"

"You didn't know? She's with a Hufflepuff, I think. Goes to the DA... Mike Corner?"

"You never told me that," Fred said incredulously.

George shifted awkwardly. "I knew you'd take it worse than me. Ginny was really annoyed when I hexed him."

Lee stared at George. "I can bloody see why! If I hexed Mel's boyfriend, I think she'd bury me!"

"He was being a cock to me! I caught him out and hexed him, and then Ginny has a right go and Bat-Bogeys me! She only took it off if I promised not to tell you."

Fred scowled sullenly.

"Look, I'm sorry, but it wasn't that long ago! You know what her hexes are like too!"

"How many times have you been hexed by your little sister?" Lee asked with interest.

"Too many times," they replied together.

Lee chortled. Right little Hellcat, that Ginny Weasley. Lee could see it – but damn, she was good looking. She was too young for Lee to ever really say it, but she was striking with her bright red hair and loud laugh, always very impressive in the DA, and had a particular smile that just – did something.

Lee looked up and saw the smile – George was smirking at him.

Okay, that was weird; Ginny and George had the same smirk, the same one that Lee had just thought about being very... attractive, or alluring, on Ginny. And now her big brother was looking at Lee with the same expression.

"I damn well hope you're not thinking of our little sister," said George, fingering his wand idly.

Fred was also looking at Lee with interest – but he had a much darker expression and narrowed eyes. "Bloody well hope not," he said mulishly.

Lee smirked, "I'm thinking about shagging her underage-"

Lee's lips suddenly disintegrated. Dark red coloured mush was trickling down his face and Lee cried out in horror. But Fred was sniggering, so he was an utter bastard.

"You're a 'ucking 'anker-" Lee tried to say, and failed. George laughed and Lee stuck two fingers up at each of them.

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**Love all who review and who enjoy and who read. **

**Mate, I'm real friendly. Say Hi, I'll reply! **

**Until the next,**

**Cait x**


	9. Once in a Lifetime

**All right, so not everybody who reads this cries about how good it is. Not all of you review, none of you favourite... and I'm here because I want to get better as a writer – so tell me, why aren't you doing these things? If it's simply "I hate this but I love *character name*", fine, tell me, but I'd prefer constructive criticism. So yeah.**

**Quite related, ANON I LOVE YOU. You made my week, seriously. I quite needed to know that sort of thing :') And Anon darling, George/Angelina will definitely come into this as I am keeping it overall canon. And I'm expecting the 77 chapters to extend over a long time – even though these are more one-shots in order than proper chapters. **

**And uh, this... well, I'm not sure where it came from. But enjoy it regardless, I hope.**

**Also, because I can talk a lot - if you're enjoying this, I know it's a piss take when you have to wait ages for an update and it's only 2,000 words. But I don't know if people are waiting for updates ever...**

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**Once in a Lifetime**

They were drowning their sorrows from the painful Quidditch match in The Three Broomsticks. Angelina Johnson was in a foul mood; bitterly angry at Fred and George to the extent that they'd actually resat the twins and Florence Pilkington had confiscated Angelina's wand.

She was an angry drunk, see. And horny. Lee had no doubt that if she weren't so furious with them still for being kicked off the team, she'd be trying to snog one of them. Doubtlessly not caring which – and honestly, neither would they.

The room was spinning for Lee, but when Fred handed out another round of shots, Lee downed his quickly, and then George's who had been too slow.

"Oi!"

"Lee, your round," sang Alicia, before downing her Firewhisky and gagging. Lee stumbled up and ordered.

"Mind yourselves. You're not all getting too drunk in here or I will be sending you back," said Madam Rosmerta.

"Ros, we're all fi-ine. Quidditch was _awful_; we re-eally need this," Lee said, attempting to say it brightly and soberly. From her expression she failed.

"Don't you be calling me Ros, Lee Jordan. I know your father; remember that."

Two more shots for all of them later, and Madam Rosmerta did kick them out. They ended up in the boys' dormitory, having woken Eslam Shafie and Jack Howell up (by accident, of course.)

Fred produced a bottle of something from somewhere and kept it refilled. They started doing shots to anything –

"To sleep!"

"To bravery!"

"To loyalty!"

"To friendship!"

"To alcohol!"

"To the downfall of Umbitch!"

"To Quidditch!"

"To Kenneth fucking Towler!"

"TO TEA!"

Alicia stood up and vomited over the floor, to much applause. With black eyes and watery streaks, she looked a sight, but Eslam Shafie took pity and gave her his bed to sleep in.

A wireless was booming out music and they were dancing badly to it. Angelina was somehow in Lee's arms, but she got pulled away into one of the twins' arms. It wasn't long before they were wrapped around each other and leaning back against the wall, braids and red hair in a mess together.

Katie Bell's friend Leanne Butler curved away into the other twin's arms, and now Lee's hands were all over Florence Pilkington and damn, he'd never realised she had these curves, and her mouth was hot and wet and his lips were getting painfully chafed but he wasn't about to stop – and then someone ground against his arse from behind. Lee spun around to see a laughing ginger, still thrusting his pelvis in Lee's direction.

The other was laughing heavily, with Angelina sucking on his ear.

Lee wasn't too sure what happened after that.

Fred woke up to find a naked Angelina in his bed, and he certainly wasn't complaining. Florence Pilkington had slept on Lee's bed, but over the covers, so the only thing she had to be horrifically embarrassed about was that of people seeing her morning face. Katie Bell and Leanne Butler had vanished, but they had been the most sober that night so they were probably fine – but George awoke with a pair of knickers in his bed. Seems like his best two friends had gotten lucky again – and Lee hadn't.

Fred wasn't feeling too lucky the next day, mind. He and Angelina were avoiding eye contact and he was moody all day. They'd commandeered four nice armchairs, but someone had moved the sofa - some stupidly arrogant Sixth Years, Lee could see them. Fred had been grumbling about them all day, and how bad his hangover was, how annoying Angelina had been, how badly he'd slept, how bad everything in the world was. Lee wished he'd go to the dormitory to be grumpy, and he and George had suggested it a few times, but Fred looked like he fancied punching Lee when he said it.

George had great big bags under his eyes and a pale face – even paler than normal – and his hair was comically on end. He was dozing in an armchair, a piece of hardly started DADA homework on the table in front of him, the quill long dried out and dangling from his fingers.

Merlin, Lee was feeling rough. His stomach churned every so often, his head was heavy and there was a sharp pain near the back of it. He was shitting like crazy too, had a dry mouth, and was vaguely nauseous. He would look as bad as George if his dreadlocks weren't so forgiving, and dark skin hid sickness. Jack Howell, opposite Lee, had left the room to vomit once already too, and Alicia hadn't surfaced since leaving the boys' dorm.

George dropped the quill and woke with a start, bleary and confused. He offered a weak smile in Lee's direction before rubbing his eyes.

"What are you going to do with Leanne's knickers?" asked Lee with half a smile on his face.

George ran a hand through his hair again. "Uh – haven't a bloody clue... give them to Katie perhaps?"

Fred scowled. "Nice and easy for you two."

"Oh, get over yourself. You've wanted it for bloody months and it was your own stupid fault," said George in annoyance.

Fred sat up and glared. "What the fuck do you know about it?"

George stared back, defiantly silent. The twins stared each other down, quickly expelling the calm atmosphere in the common room.

Then Fred's temper flared. "If you've got something to say, then say it," he snarled, and leaped up out of his chair.

"Come off it, you've been a moody prick all day," said George, who wasn't rising in his chair but wasn't backing off either. He leaned back and crossed his arms.

"Who you calling 'moody prick'?" Fred yelled, silencing the common room and hurting Lee's head. Fred's pale face was getting more and more red.

"Don't you fucking yell at me for being the only one with enough balls to tell you the sodding _truth_," shouted George, fists clenched - but still seated, which was easy. Lee jumped up and grabbed Fred's arm. Fred thumped him in the stomach and Lee choked – it was painful. But Lee shoved Fred's shoulder, and maybe he sat back down because he felt guilty. Lee did so too, rubbing his sore stomach, and hoped he felt guilty. Had a good mind to punch Fred right back, but that would just start a real proper fight and he didn't want to fight Fred.

Jack Howell had woken up and was staring open-mouthed – Fred and George just didn't argue, not really. But Fred was still scowling, and George had a very ugly expression on his face.

Jack and Lee exchanged glances.

"Well," said Jack, wildly looking around the room. "The – uh, weather. Pretty awful, eh?"

"Yeah, all this rain," nodded Lee. "At least – I think it was rain. There was something very wet in my bed," he joked.

Jack laughed fakely.

"Amazing what wonders can slip into your bed entirely against your will, eh?" George said sarcastically.

"You're hardly being a ray of fucking sunshine!" exploded Fred.

"At least I'm not _whinging-_"

"I'VE NOT FUCKING _WHINGED_ ABOUT LAST NIGHT-"

"YEAH FRED, I'M REALLY FUCKING SORRY YOU SLEPT WITH YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND AGAIN!"

Fred threw a battered _Quidditch Through the Ages _at George, who caught it and lobbed it back harder. It hit the doorframe as Fred stomped upstairs.

There was silence in the room after this, with everyone staring at the Seventh Years. The youngest two Weasleys were looking exceptionally gobsmacked, and soon mutterings raised the volume and the comfort of the room. Lee and Jack were still staring at George, and so were Ginny and Ron Weasley.

George was still staring at the staircase, the anger slipping from his face. Lee knew he was itching to go up after Fred, but something stopped him. Might simply be that Eslam Shafie was still in there.

George turned back to them finally. He glared at Jack. "What?"hHe said aggressively.

George was a beater, and as funny, friendly and open as he usually was, he was still impressively built. And Jack Howell was skinny, and maybe stronger than he looked, but still not much on George. So he looked away and shut his mouth. Wisely, Lee thought.

Eslam Shafie trekked down the stairs looking moody too, and took the seat that Fred had snorted.

"Too stuffy up there," Lee smirked.

Eslam frowned. "Your brother's being a twat," he said to George.

"He does that, yeah," said George stiffly, jaw set.

A half hour later and Lee was the one in danger of falling asleep. George had his face set in the scowl since speaking to Fred, Eslam was struggling over his homework and Jack was making a card tower.

"If this isn't the face of productivity." Florence, with messy hair pulled off her pale face, came and sat down in front of the fire.

"Afternoon, Florence," said Lee.

She blushed. "Afternoon, Lee."

"How might you be doing?"

"My lips are painful, thanks. You?"

"Slept awfully, cheers."

"What's up with you, George?"

"Nothing," George replied shortly.

"Oh..." Florence met Lee's eyes and furrowed her brow. Lee shook his head. _Not worth it_. "You two aren't often down here," she remarked to Eslam and Jack.

"Fred's being a wanker upstairs," grunted Eslam.

Florence raised an eyebrow.

"Not literally. Doesn't need to - he had Angelina, rem-"

"Fuck this," George snapped, kicking the low table in front of him. He stomped up the stairs, flicking two fingers up at the staring Ron Weasley as he passed him.

"What-" Florence began.

"Fred's been foul, George called him on it, Fred threw a book at him and stomped off," Jack summarised for her, swearing idly as his tower collapsed.

"Oh." Florence's eyes were wide as she comprehended the situation. "Alicia's better, by the way. She was found in the girls' bathroom in the dorms by Hermione Granger," she said offhandedly.

Lee yawned. "Was found?"

"Yup, early this morning. Curled up in the bath, bless her."

"Granger looked after her?"

"Alicia has been raving about how much she loves Hermione Granger. Appears to have cleaned her up and gotten her water and everything," said Florence.

Lee always marvelled at little things girls did for each other. If Lee ever found a bloke curled up in the bath, unconscious, it'd be on with the permanent ink and out with the camera.

Alicia and Angelina came down then, yawning and pulling their jumpers closer around themselves. They stood in front of the fire and looked expectantly at Lee, Jack and Eslam. "You're meant to be bloody Gryffindors," said Angelina through a yawn. "Show some chivalry and get off the nice chairs."

"That's sexist, that is," replied Lee.

"At least give it to Florence after you shoved your tongue down her throat."

Florence blushed. "I'm quite happy here, don't worry."

"How are you feeling, Alicia?" Eslam asked.

"Did I vomit on your bed?" she asked weakly.

"Yeah."

Alicia groaned and hid her face in her hands. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"Angelina. How was Fred?" Jack asked, smirking.

Angelina glowered.

Florence rubbed her shoulder. "Don't listen to him; do whatever you want, Ange!"

Lee bounced up. "Like me!"

Angelina gave him a withering look. "Where is he, anyway?"

"He and George are arguing," Jack said.

"Fred and George arguing?" Alicia raised her head.

"I thought Fred was gonna sock him," said Eslam.

Lee rubbed his stomach sullenly. "Socked me instead."

Not a single person gave Lee sympathy for that, not even asking if he was okay. Some friends he had.

"You lot believe Harry Potter, don't you?" Jack asked abruptly.

Lee was the first to reply. "Absolutely."

"I've known him five years," said Angelina, "and – he's sounder than us lot. Just –"

"How can someone get in so much trouble?" Florence finished for her.

"Basically my point."

Eslam looked undecided. "The article made sense, sure. But I don't want You-Know-Who back..."

Lee and the girls – well, not Alicia, who still looked decidedly green – stared at him.

"Believing Harry won't bring Him back, and not believing Harry won't keep Him away," Angelina said.

Eslam shifted awkwardly. "Yeah, I know. But -"

"You're a nancy rather than a Gryffindor?" Fred and George were back.

"Piss off."

Fred and George sat either side of Lee, on the arms of his chair.

"You two have made up, I see."

"You make it sound so juvenile, Jordan."

"As if we were nowt more than two innocent and sullen little children."

"Jordan, you're insinuating that our dear Angie is a paedophile. Worse, she's a rapist."

Angelina spluttered in the corner. "Fred's only six months younger than me! Mental age does not count!"

Lee couldn't resist. "You're shorter than your kid brother, though."

The twins' both scowled.

"Ronnie is freakishly tall, all right?" Fred said defensively.

"Besides, Charlie's the same height as us anyway – and we're still taller than lots of people."

"Like Eslam."

Eslam shrugged. "I don't feel any need to compensate with my height."

"Angelina, do you think I need to compensate?" Fred asked her.

Angelina snorted. "I'm staying out of this."

"Anyway," Fred continued, "I've seen all of your trouser meat. I can safely vouch that-"

"'Trouser meat'?" said Florence incredulously.

"I was being polite given the company!"

"Do you reckon if boobs weren't so out there girls would lie about sizes?" Eslam said thoughtfully.

Lee frowned. "But then boobs would be hidden."

Fred put his hands over his ears and curled over. "No, don't _say_ that," he cried.

"I'm going back to bed," said Alicia shakily.

"Want me to walk you," offered Florence. Alicia shook her head. "Good; I'm comfy."

Fred was still pretending to be traumatised and terrified, so George and Lee simultaneously pushed him off the armchair.

* * *

**And now I'm at the end – I did have a hangover when I wrote most of it. That would explain where it came from.**

**And one final word from me - because I have crippling self doubt and the idea that you lot are reading this thinking "oh my god does she not realise how shit she is" is the most painful thought right now - well, tell me honestly how it was? **

**Cait x**


	10. Beautiful

**Love you lovely lot who review. But, to be fair, I love you lovely lot who read, too. **

**To Anon: **

**Hi Anon. Hi. Just – hi. I seriously would love to update daily but uh, I've recently started a 9-5 job. Gets in the way a bit. Hehe – you basically implied I was funny. YAYAY. And i'm glad you like that – although I think my version of Lee is too quiet, because I'm quite quiet and it comes out easily like that. And I would agree with twins/Lee; JK may not have shown it much but I agree that George would be closer to Lee. And Angelina? Well, I think she was uptight last chapter certainly – most people are more uptight when they're hungover. And also, I think Fred and Angelina would be quite incompatible a couple, but always together because of Hogwarts, and I reckon Fred definitely would be attracted to people very different from himself as a challenge or something.**

* * *

**Beautiful**

For the third time that year, Lee was in detention with Umbitch. It wasn't even for anything proper; he'd just been talking too much in class. So Lee trudged alone back to the common room late one mild March night, cradling the stinging hand in his other, and deeply looking forward to breaking into the twins' stash of ingredients and nicking the Murtlap essence. Bless Potter for that hint.

Meant he'd had to miss the DA meeting, though. They were meant to be doing Patronuses again, and Lee _still_ couldn't do one. He had a brilliant white light and a paw or something, but nothing real. Nothing 'corporeal', as the younger girl with big tits would say. Probably wasn't the nicest way to refer to her but they were really in your face.

Like, really. Lee had worked as her partner once in the DA – and he was glad to admit she had blushed prettily as he shook her hand. Her tie rested impressively high on her chest from the boobs, and she didn't take to fastening her school robe so the white shirt only aided to emphasise her – _assets_. Lee really had to look, and besides, none of the girls he usually spoke to had big tits. Angelina Johnson was tall and athletic and skinny. Alicia Spinnet was of similar build, if slightly more curvy, and Florence Pilkington had absolutely no fat on her; Lee reckoned he weighed at least three of her. Katie Bell, mind, she was shorter and curvy and Lee had given her tits a fine ogle from time to time, but they were nothing on this fine young Hufflepuff.

He wanted a damn patronus. Fred and George had theirs – ridiculously annoying possums. They liked to cast them in the dormitory to annoy Lee – when Eslam Shafie and Jack Howell weren't in the room, of course.

His seventh year lot had taken the nicest armchairs by the fire, as Lee discovered when he entered the common room. Ron Weasley, at a table with Harry Potter and Hermione Granger, was scowling over at the seventh years, and rudely stuck his fingers up at the Weasley twin on the sofa, as Lee saw him wink at his little brother.

As soon as Alicia saw his bleeding hand, she jumped up from her comfy seat on the sofa and made Lee sit in it.

"Your poor hand," Florence gasped, taking it gently. "Does it hurt?"

"Does it hurt?" The Weasley twin – Fred – scoffed. "He's only carving into his own skin."

"It's so painful," said Lee mournfully, "I had to keep biting my lip so I wouldn't cry out – she'd punish me so much more-"

"Oh, _please,_" said someone behind him, "Harry's is so much worse. You're putting it on."

Fred turned over the back of the armchair. "Granger? Ouch, someone's on her period."

"All right, I wasn't trying to say Harry's was-" Lee protested – or tried to, at least.

Hermione was looking at the two of them with deep disgust; behind him, Florence, Alicia and Angelina were making sounds of protest too – "Hermione, he's just kidding around-"

"I think it's very immature of you, Lee, and you could be being far more productive with your time rather than _whining_-" Hermione was cut off as Harry Potter and Ron Weasley hurried to her side.

"Hermione, do you think it's time to go to bed," Ron said hurriedly.

"No, I do not-" she said, puffing her chest out, when the portrait hole opened and George came in, grinning, with incredibly messed hair.

"All right, what's going on here," he said, the smile slipping off his face. The few remaining Gryffindors who weren't of this incident were staring at Hermione, thinking perhaps she had cracked as they thought Harry had.

Angelina leapt up, and attempted to reason with Hermione but she flounced off instead, up to the girls' dormitories.

Harry and Ron stared after her in bewilderment. Fred turned back around and said, "Women, eh?", and received three swats to his head.

"I think," said Ron, shaking his head, "I think she's gone and lost it."

"OWL pressure," said Harry, "and all this knitting, probably worried about the DA too..."

"Fucking mental case, I swear," replied Ron, and the two waved apologies at Lee and went back to their game of Wizards' Chess.

George slipped onto the sofa, between Lee and Florence, a grin back on his face.

Angelina rolled her eyes. "Go on, where've you been?"

George leant back and rumpled his hair with his left hand. He waved his fore and middle fingers of his right hand around under Lee's nose, where he caught a familiar scent.

"You just-"

"Yup."

"Who?"

"Olivia Brocklehurst."

Fred sat up with interest. "What did you do with Olivia Brocklehurst?"

"Fingered her," said George, rumpling his hair again with his right hand – and then wrinkled his nose.

Alicia pulled a face. "You haven't washed your hands yet? George, that's gross."

George shrugged. "Got caught and had to rush back."

"Who caught you?" asked Lee.

"Uh – the Hufflepuff prefects in Fifth Year," he said.

"Where _were_ you?" asked Florence cautiously.

"Passage of the Fouls."

"With the Elizabeth Burke portrait?" Lee asked, amazed. Why would you want to stay in that corridor with that bitch?

"You have absolutely no class," snorted Angelina.

"Hey," George protested, "I was bloody nice! It was all about her, that was."

"She didn't-" began Fred, with a half-smile on his face.

"Didn't have enough time," George replied.

Lee cottoned on. "So you're still-"

A flush rose in George's neck. "Yup," he admitted.

Fred and Lee both laughed. Alicia, looking very confused, turned to Florence and asked if she knew what they were on about, but Angelina, forthright as ever, came straight out with it.

"Have you got a boner, George?"

The flush rose higher in his neck and he shifted uncomfortably. Alicia emitted a squawk of laughter, Angelina threw her head back and shrieked with laughter and George looked even more uncomfortable. Lee, still laughing, leaned in and pinched his cheek.

"Watch it or I'll get up and hug you," George grumbled, but broke a sheepish smile. He shook his head and said, "Fuck it, yeah I'm still hard."

Fred was howling with laughter at this point as George tried to claim by still having a boner, he had been a man by focusing on Olivia's feelings, and Ginny Weasley, with some friends at a close table, made a noise of disgust and moved away from the Seventh Years.

"Sorry, Gin!" George yelled after her.

**-OoO-**

"I hope your erection has gone," said Lee as he entered the dormitory. George sat up on his bed and grinned.

"Yup, dealt with it."

"Eslam and Jack-?"

"Library. Pussies." George shook his head. "It's like we've had no affect on them these past seven years."

"Lucky them," Lee said wryly. "If I fail my NEWTs because of you two, I might kill you both. Or my mum will, at least."

George snorted. "She'd have to get in line; _our_ mum wouldn't hesitate to cast a few well placed hexes."

"Your mum doesn't like me, though."

"She's under the impression that you're worse than Fred and me."

Lee raised an eyebrow. "How?"

"She wants to believe the best about us." George waved his wand and white spurted out. The possum jumped around and started running through Lee's legs. Lee stepped forward, pulled his leg back thinking he'd trip over the possum and then realised he could step through it – but he'd stumbled already and George was laughing.

"How do you do it so easily?" demanded Lee.

"I'm brilliant."

Lee dropped his bag on his bed and stood in the centre of the room. He breathed deeply and focused on his happiest memory: quite a few years ago, when Mum and Dad were together, Christmas time where they were all happy. George cast a silencing charm at the door of the dormitory.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Lee yelled. There was a flicker of white – but no, Mum and Dad were arguing that Christmas and Gran died a few days after that Christmas. He concentrated on... YES! When that girl in the year above sucked him off – no, he was still looking at George. He couldn't think of blowjobs and look at his best friend. Uh – seeing his mum again after the long Hogwarts terms.

"Expecto PATRONUM!" A white glow this time, but no animal.

George sighed and stood up He stood next to Lee. "You need more conviction. It's not about how loudly you yell, it's the force behind it."

"That almost sounded wise, George."

George rolled his eyes. "And jab it."

"Jab what?"

"What do you think?"

Lee grinned at George.

George rolled his eyes again. "Here – watch me. Expecto patronum!"

A possum erupted from his wand, but Lee got what he meant. George had said it with great confidence – he was expecting the possum to come out. Lee hoped he'd get one.

Lee tried again, expecting something to come out, but to no avail.

"Maybe your memory isn't happy enough," said George thoughtfully. "What is it?"

"My birthday three years ago. What do you think of?"

"I'm not telling," he said with a smile.

"I told you!"

"I know. Maybe wave it better? I don't know..." George took Lee's wand hand and jabbed it outwards.

The dormitory door swung open and George sprang back. Fred entered, whistling badly.

"All right?" he said, with a bemused smile.

"Teaching Lee how to do a patronus," replied George.

"I'm brilliant at those." Fred made a whooshing noise and out sprang his possum.

Lee scowled.

"Aw, come on, Lee!" jeered Fred. "You can do it, bud!"

George said, more seriously, "C'mon Jordan, show us what you're made of."

Lee shifted and focused. He was going to do this, damnit. And he was going to ignore Fred and George's mutterings and sniggerings. He breathed in and out, deeply and melodramatically. Fred wolf whistled and Lee swore at him. He remembered how George had moved his hand and imagined it.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Lee yelled. Something white came from his wand.

Fred and George leaned closer and –

"Lee, what the fuck is that?"

"I DID IT I FUCKING DID IT!" Lee yelled, jumping around.

"Is that-?"

"I think it is."

"Wow."

"I MADE ONE!"

"That's pathetic."

"Stupid, even."

"GEORGE I DID IT!"

"I'm ashamed I helped him make that."

"So you should be, brother."

"IN YOUR FACE FRED!"

"I don't want that thing in my face, thank you very much!"

"It's a fucking goose, Jordan."

Lee was still dancing around. "IT'S STILL A PATRONUS!"

"Goosey goosey gander."

"What?"

"Muggle thing Dad goes on about."

"I MADE A PATRONUS!"

Fred and George stood up. "It's a goose."

Lee stopped dancing. "It's still a patronus!"

Fred and George looked at each other. "Is it, though?" Fred asked.

"It's a bit pathetic. Look, it's scared off already."

Lee looked around – it was true, it had vanished. "Expecto Patronum!" And out it came again. The white goose flapped its wings and ruffled its feathers, looking far from dignified as yet again Fred and George cast their patronuses and their possums dashed around the goose.

"Bloody scary, mate," Fred shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the noise of my FUCKING PATRONUS GOOSE!"

"Patronuses don't make noises," George reminded him.

"Mine's bigger than yours," said Lee childishly.

"Mine's better than yours," retorted George.

"Yours is a fucking goose, Lee. You've got nothing to say," said Fred.

Lee cast the patronus again and gave a whoop of glee. Who cared that it was a goose? It was beautiful. "The Queen protects gooses anyway," he said.

Fred peered at his goose. "Really? Why?"

"Don't know."

George too peered at it. "I don't think 'gooses' is a word."

"And it's swans, actually," said Lee, disappointed again.

Fred stood up. "I'm bored." He looked around at the two and gestured to the door. George and Lee both nodded at him, Lee still grinning.

"I did it," he said again, excitedly.

"I'm very impressed," said George.

"Cheers!"

"Nah," George said, "Not with you. I managed to teach you of all people a charm!"

Lee punched George's shoulder.

* * *

**Until the next, **

**Cait x**

**(By the way, if any of you play the "willy" game, I do. And I had a lot of fun with it this chapter, as I'm sure you can tell. It's a bit obvious at times but I like it that way.)**


	11. Minor

**Hello again. **

* * *

**Minor**

After the fireworks incident, Umbitch had been keeping a close eye on Fred and George. Which was fair enough – they may have not been doing anything massive but they seriously didn't care about work anymore, or about decorum, courtesy, her ridiculous rules... or her detentions. Lee had dutifully attended each of his four Umbitch detentions, spent them wishing he was scrawling "toad" on her face, while Fred and George had each attended one and had doctored the lines from "I will respect my betters" to "this is a waste of our time". Unoriginal, Lee had said. Fred had countered that they'd suffered and so therefore it was brilliant. Lee countered that he'd suffered more, and Fred had told him to stop whining about it.

DADA had reached high levels of boring, but somehow everyone – including Lee, excluding the twins – were terrified about the upcoming exam. Actually, not somehow. What if they had to do practical? – They DID have to do practical. If it weren't for the DA Lee would be certain of failure.

But people were starting to crack up. They still had a good four weeks before exams did start, but the year was clearly changing and ending. And according to quite a few people four weeks didn't last as long as Lee hoped they would. People were envying Montague for going home for the rest of the year, so Fred and George had been debating ruining someone's mentality for money so they'd get a free ticket home. Unfortunately they'd talked about it in the Common Room, with Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger in earshot. Bad idea.

The Inquisitorial Squad had begun to dock points for being Gryffindors, provoking many a fight, but people only had to remember the fireworks to have their spirits raised, but it still didn't make up for the the fact that this year had been especially appalling.

"I wish I'd copied Kenneth Towler," Jack Howell remarked as he collapsed onto an armchair, one morning after breakfast.

"What, and miss out on Umbitch? You mad, Howell?" replied Lee, spreading out across the full length of the sofa.

"Moody would have been bad to miss out on," said Eslam Shafie.

Fred snorted. "Yeah, if he hadn't actually been a psychopath," he said, as he kicked Lee's legs off.

"Rather him than Umbitch. He was at least a psychopath with style," said Angelina, diving onto another armchair before Eslam could get it.

"He tried to kill Harry," George reminded her as he sat beside Fred.

Lee pointed out, "I don't think Umbitch would complain if someone tried."

Angelina nodded. "Exactly! Moody – or whoever he was – had the guts to do it himself."

"No – I wasn't supporting him for trying to kill Harry-"

"If we're going by that," Fred interrupted loudly, "Reckon Ange is first in line."

"Being Quidditch Captain is stressful – especially when half your team get themselves kicked out!"

"Get over it already!"

"If we lose the Cup thanks to you three-"

"It's fair game if I got to punch that Malfoy kid in the face-" George cut in.

"Nah, only fair game if I get to too!" Fred interjected.

Katie Bell leaned over from a nearby table. "He's half your size!"

"You calling me fat?" demanded Fred.

"His ego more than makes up for the size difference," muttered Angelina.

Lee shook his head quickly. "You didn't just claim Malfoy had a bigger ego than those two, did you?"

"I resent that," said George, "His-" he gestured to Fred, "is bigger than mine."

"It's not the only thing that's bigger than yours," Fred quipped easily.

"Does everything have to get back to penis size?"

"Um – Fred? George?" The group of them turned to the intrusion. Ginny Weasley stood looking vaguely uncomfortable and trying to get the attention of Fred and George.

"All right, Gin?" asked Fred.

"Can I've a word?"

"Discombobulate is a good one," said George.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Come on – like, outside?"

Fred straightened up. "It's nothing to do with that Corner bloke, is it?"

"No, Mike's fine, now please?"

Fred and George exchanged a baffled look and got up, following Ginny out of the Common Room.

Jack sighed loudly. "Probably have to go do some revision soon."

Angelina moaned and crumpled in her chair. "We've got Quidditch practise later," she groaned.

Katie leaned back over. "Thanks."

"Oh, come on. I'll be remembered as the worst Quidditch Captain in years!"

"You might win," Lee offered. "You've been doing enough practise..."

"We might as well have no Beaters or Keeper!"

"The Protean Charm. What does it do?" Jack Howell asked. He was looking over some very rough Charms notes from about a year ago, fit with scorch marks and tea stains.

"We're going to lose," Angelina moaned into her hands.

**-OoO-**

Lee was getting suspicious about the next bout of mayhem the twins were planning. They weren't telling him much, and they usually spent at least a few evenings bragging about their plans. Perhaps they wanted Lee to get caught up in the chaos too? But that Sunday evening, when they came down later with food (they'd skipped dinner! Something was definitely up) they'd both been winking at and making secretive nods to Harry Potter. He began to look away, red faced and confused, it seemed. And if they were doing it to meddle with Potter - well, they could do plenty worse to meddle with him. Lee had been the recipient of much worse and that was considered just banter.

Also, Hermione Granger would look over with her Prefect expression. Blimey, she really had to get involved in everything, didn't she. Not that he didn't like her; she was spunky and fiesty and stuck up for herself, which was nice. She also knew her own opinion well - possibly too well - and in some respects she reminded him of Angelina.

Ron Weasley, sitting next to her, was looking deeply uncomfortable with every glance from the twins and every movement of Hermione. Lee snorted as he sunk lower into his chair as Fred and George walked past upstairs.

"What," Eslam Shafie asked, "is the Protean Charm used for?"

"It's like that duplication thing that sends the changed to all of the charmed objects," said Alicia Spinnet.

"Yeah - what's the definition?"

"I've got it somewhere..."

"Why do we need wolf fangs in the Draught of Living death?" fretted Florence.

"You don't use wolf fangs in potions," Lee reminded her. She stared at him, aghast, swore loudly and scribbled out a large portion of the notes on her parchment.

"What do we use instead?"

This was killing him. One of the best parts of being best friends with Fred and George was that Lee always felt like he was so much better in school, and no one expected him to do anything or know anything. Lee attempted to go up to the dormitory but Fred and George wouldn't let him in, told him to come back later.

"What are you up to," he'd repeatedly asked, turning whiny towards the end.

At breakfast the next morning, the same was happening. Harry Potter was notably not next to Granger, who was scowling and trying to talk to both him and Fred and George, admonishing them for things they'd not done, as far as Lee was aware, and Fred and George were being spectacularly evasive about - well, everything.

Hermione, seriously, give it a rest," George said, after she'd slammed into them about how Umbridge wouldn't relent and did they really know what they were doing, for this could ruin their entire Hogwarts career. "Later, Jordan." He clapped a hand on Lee's shoulder as he got up from his seat.

"I'll _tell_ someone you're planning something!" Hermione said loudly, in a last attempt to dissuade them from whatever it was.

Fred too got up from his seat. "We're always planning something. No teacher would take you seriously for saying that."

"Five o clock, though!" she said furiously.

"Come off it, Granger," Fred said. He nodded at Lee and looked around to Jack and Eslam. "You two coming up now?"

Eslam shoved the last bit of bacon into his mouth and nodded quickly.

Hermione seemed to be distracted by this. "Aren't you Muslim?"

"Wesh if'ca shee ijjin ard-" he swallowed, "and given like, all the magic stuff and – well, I'm okay with homosexuality so why not eating things with a hoof-"

"You don't pray, either," said Lee helpfully.

Eslam scowled at him. "Fine, fuck it, I'm a rubbish Muslim. But Allah forgives me so it's cool."

"I'm fairly sure-"

Eslam stood up and hurried over to the twins, beckoning Jack Howell over. Lee realised at that point that Alicia had vanished and had left to talk to a Ravenclaw in their year, and lest it be him and Hermione Granger, with Ron Weasley being an awkwardly abashed presence, he yelled "Wait up" to his dormitory mates.

Reaching the dormitory, Jack sniffed warily. "It smells really dodgy up here," he said.

"I don't smell anything," Lee said – but then choked as marsh-like smells permeated his senses.

"You get used to it," Fred said, pushing Eslam out of the way.

Lee wasn't sure what he had expected upon entering the dormitory, but it wasn't what was up there.

Nothing.

Well, no, not nothing. Nothing different.

There was no apparent source of the smell. It would appear that the twins had hidden what they were working on. The room was its usual tip, with the ink-stained carpet that no one had bothered charming clean, with foul amounts of dirty underwear littering the floor, a few festering cups of tea in the corner and Jack's hilariously anal tendencies showed themselves the once – his books were ordered by author's name then year and had about half a metre of pristine carpet around them where no one had dared trek.

Lee found his Muggle Studies book and homework under Fred's bed, and noticed there was a lot less than there usually was under Fred's bed.

"You tidied up?" he asked offhandedly.

"Had to find a letter I lost about a year ago."

George got himself comfortable on his bed, which was oddly devoid from the usual crap that littered there. From the way Fred was standing against the door, Lee was fairly sure the twins wanted them all out.

Eslam and Jack left quickly, eager to get away from the smell, but Fred asked Lee to hang back a bit.

"Listen, mate," Fred said, sitting down on George's bed with a serious expression – and Lee was suddenly reminded of his parents' divorce. It was the voice and the apologetic face.

"What?" he said defensively, not really sure what was coming up – they'd ask him not to be their best friend? The idea of something so immature was laughable.

"Where are you this afternoon?" George asked.

"Herbology and Muggle Studies." He was unintentionally sliding into the sullen, monosyllabic child of divorce.

"We're helping Harry out with something," said Fred.

"And basically, shit's going down in the east wing," continued George.

"And, if we don't get expelled for it-"

"We were just gonna – go for it,"

"Of our own accord."

It didn't make sense to Lee. "What?"

"We're leaving Hogwarts at about – what, five thirty today?"

"How – what? You're going?"

"Yup."

"What – what about NEWTs?"

Fred shrugged. "Told you, man. We don't care about them, we're gonna run a joke shop."

"You've got one of the shops?"

"Number ninety-three. It's ours, now," George said.

"You're the only one we're telling, so don't go spreading it, yeah?"

George smiled wryly. "Don't want to ruin the drama."

"Or spoil the surprise."

"And it'll be something to talk about-"

"And Merlin knows you'll be needing that, rather than all this revision."

"How do you have enough to buy a shop?"

"Enough to rent for a fair bit without any income," countered George.

"Just – Lee, we've taught you a fair bit over the years, right?"

Yeah, taught him shitloads and not given a shit about minor matters such as best friends. "I'm not your fucking _protégé."_

"Not saying that, Jordan," George said lightly, "Just – you're the best to do a bit of chaos."

"So you two just fuck off out of here-"

Fred cut him off. "C'mere, we've got you a present."

Fred tugged Lee to the floor, pulled a box out from under the bed, opened it and – Nifflers. Fucking _nifflers. _

The box was bigger on the inside, which was good, because the three nifflers were young and active by their looks.

"You can't keep nifflers in a box like this-" Lee protested weakly, as one got excited from having "fresh" air and jumped out, trying to get to Lee's watch.

"Nah, not for long," said George, joining the two on the floor. "They're _yours_ now, and well, we're not telling you what to do but we'd planned to give Umbitch a surprise-"

"Her window, she keeps it unlocked, we checked-"

"And they're a bloody nuisance, but a cute nuisance."

The niffler snuffled Lee's face, and aside from its bad breath it was really rather cute.

"They eat masses though-"

"Tried to eat through this bloody box before we found out how much they needed-"

"And don't let them loose in the dorm. It's funny as hell-"

"But impossible to clear up afterwards. House elves did it for us."

The niffler went back in its box, and Lee made a quick note on his hand so he'd remember to feed them and somehow walk them and all, and he, Fred and George stood together for a moment.

"You both packed?"

"Nah, we're doing that now," Fred said. He looked around the room and his smile dropped. "We've got to wade through all these dirty pants."

Lee smiled half-heartedly.

"Well –" George said awkwardly, "It'll only be like, a few months before we see you again."

"Yeah."

"Be the first from Hogwarts to see it, yeah?" Fred asked.

"Yeah," Lee cleared his throat quickly, "'course."

This wasn't anything major, just for the final bit of Hogwarts that he wouldn't have the Twin Twats with him.

They stood in silence, waiting for someone to talk.

Fred broke the silence. "Well, see you on the outside," he joked.

He and Lee had an awkward hug and thump on the back.

"It's been fun, Jordan," George offered with half a smile, and gave Lee a similar hug.

"And before you envy us," said Fred as they walked down the stairs, "Imagine what our mum's going to say."

**-OoO-**

People were shrieking and yelling somewhere below Lee's Muggle Studies classroom and Professor Burbage poked her head out of the door nervously. The small group of Seventh Years walked out straight past her as she cried out for them to be careful, and she followed the group more slowly.

Lee reached the crowded corridor and saw the panic and angry professors - wait, McGonagall was there and she certainly wasn't angry. She looked _amused_, if anything.

"The corridor – it's a swamp!" A young student cried with glee.

"Lee!" Lee turned and saw Florence Pilkington gesturing to him from one of the hidden passageways. Lee followed her; she wasn't moving fast as she was laughing so hard.

"You should see Umbitch's face! She and Filch – they just don't know what to do!"

"The corridor's a swamp?" Lee asked.

"Yeah! They're saying Fred and George did it, and you should hear what Flitwick says! He thinks it's brilliant!"

Members of the Inquisitorial Squad were rushing around everywhere, shouting to each other and apparently trying desperately to find the culprit, but it seemed no one was in any doubt over who it was. And it wasn't long until they were found, either. Fred and George had been lounging against a wall behind a different secret passageway, but a more well known one, and were dragged out with triumphant yells in front of most of the school.

They took it in their stride, though, with salutes to teachers and waving at all the students they knew.

Reaching the Entrance Hall, Lee used his height to locate anyone he knew and dragged Florence over to where Angelina and Alicia stood; a place where they could easily see Fred and George being brought out before Umbitch. Peeves the Poltergeist began whooping and circling the hall.

She smiled cruelly down at them and whispered to Filch, who looked as though he'd cry with happiness as he moved with amazing speed out of the Hall.

Professors fought their ways through the crowds of students, amused looks sinking to anxiety.

"They're screwed," said Alicia, biting her lip.

Angelina's smile was falling as she looked at Umbridge's face. "She wouldn't do anything illegal, would she?"

Lee said confidently, "Nah! With all the professors here? She'd just make an example."

"What if she expels them?" asked Florence.

Angelina breathed in. "She – they'd be – they'd have to get their stuff together. They'd say goodbye."

Guilt set in. Not that Lee should feel guilty, but he was the only one they told. Fred and George didn't care about anything minor like their friends missing them – but Fred not telling Angelina, who had been one of his best friends for six years and on and off girlfriend for two, was a bit dickish.

So Lee kept quiet and made like he was deeply interested in the proceedings.

Filch hurried back with an old piece of parchment and Lee'd never seen him look so happy.

"So!" said Umbitch, silencing the entire room. "So – you think it amusing to turn a school corridor into a swamp, do you?"

Fred stared back at her with a slight smirk playing on his face. "Pretty amusing, yeah," he replied.

Filch pushed his way forward and waved the parchment impatiently. "I've got the form, Headmistress," he said hoarsely. "I've got the form and I've got the whips waiting... oh, let me do it now..."

At his words, Angelina gave a sharp intake of breath. Florence grabbed Lee's arm, and Lee himself didn't feel too good with that. But they'd get out of it, he reminded himself. Nearby, Ginny Weasley gave a cry of outrage.

Umbridge smiled. "Very good, Argus. You two," she said, diverting her attention back to the twins, "are about to learn what happens to wrongdoers in my school."

Fred and George weren't at all fazed. "You know what?" said Fred. "I don't think we are."

Fred turned to George. "George," he said, "I think we've outgrown full-time education."

"Yeah," George said lightly, "I've been feeling that way myself."

"Time to test our talents in the real world, d'you reckon?" asked Fred.

"Definitely," said George.

Umbitch drew herself up, puffing up like a toad but –

"_Accio brooms!" _the twins said together, wands raised.

There were loud crashing noises, and Harry Potter, standing near to Umbitch, ducked quickly to avoid being knocked out by the chain and peg being dragged by one of Fred and George's broomsticks. The chain swung and hit the banister before the two broomsticks stopped in front of their owners.

Fred mounted his broom. "We won't be seeing you," he told Umbridge, smirking confidently.

George too climbed on his broomstick. "Yeah, don't bother to keep in touch," he said nonchalantly.

Fred looked around at all the crowd of people staring at them. His smile widened at the room that was utterly captivated by the pair. "If anyone fancies buying a Portable Swamp, as demonstrated upstairs, come to ninety-three, Diagon Alley – Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes. Our new premises!"

Lee grinned. "They're loving this," he muttered to Alicia.

"Special discount to Hogwarts students who swear they're going to use our products to get rid of this old bat," George added as he pointed at Umbitch. Her eyes popped with anger.

"STOP THEM!" she screamed, much too late. Fred and George had kicked off by the time the Inquisitorial Squad moved to action, and they were ten feet above their heads and rising. Fred stopped at the same level as Peeves.

"Give her hell from us, Peeves," yelled Fred.

It would be Fred Weasley to be the only one that Peeves had ever obeyed, for he doffed his belled hat and saluted the twins. Someone behind Lee started clapping, and he joined, applause spreading to even a few professors and ghosts, as Fred and George flew out of the hall and soared off into the distance.

Lee had never seen anyone look as furious as Umbitch at that moment.

* * *

**Lush, so - yeah?**

**Thanks for the review, anon! anyone else who reviewed, I'll reply later, I'm running seriously late now.**

**Until the next, **

**Cait x**


	12. Note

**Note**

For the days that followed Fred and George's legendary departure, Lee was disgustingly bored. True, they'd left entertaining tales and disruptive swamps, but a deep, frantic calm had now set on the Seventh Years – frantically realising they'd done fuck all in preparation for these exams, and calm from either the resignation to failing or slowly getting through massive volumes of revision. The few other muggle-borns in Lee's year had the safety that their parents wouldn't really understand it so well – As were valued to muggles more than Os were, and especially more than Es. Lee's own mother would often get confused about his OWL grades and think he actually did brilliantly rather than averagely. His dad understood though, of course, but Lee wasn't sure how much he really cared. Mel hadn't done brilliantly; she'd gotten four out of her five NEWTs, with three Acceptables and one Exceeds Expectations, and their father hadn't seemed too bothered. Lee hoped he'd get higher than that – well, hoped he'd get five NEWTs, not necessarily any better than Acceptable.

Still, he'd still be beating Kenneth Towler, who had spectacularly messed up his OWLs and hadn't been heard of since (personally, Lee thought the Bulbadox powder in his pyjamas hadn't helped, and neither had the hilarious yet embarrassing case of when Alicia had been messing around with magic and the bag containing her "womanly products" had exploded and showered Kenneth with tampons).

And of course, he'd be beating Fred and George. Academically, at least. Well, he already did beat them academically, by exam results at least.

Bless them, though. They'd left a small pile of Skiving Snackboxes in the dorm, with a few other products.

The first of the nifflers was levitated into Umbitch's office to great success. Lee himself had been wary about loitering around her office to hear the disruption, but no need. The whole school knew about it; Umbridge had shrieked as the niffler tried to bite off her watch, and her office had been completely ransacked. She was furious about it and Lee'd heard of students being put in detention for laughing. But she hadn't the slightest clue who might have done it, for Lee hadn't told anyone.

There was no one to tell, really. He wasn't close enough to Jack and Eslam to brag about it – he'd feel like a knob. Angelina might think it was funny, but Alicia would remind him of the dangers and he'd feel like a knob again for bragging. Lee just didn't brag honestly. Fred and George did it enough for the three of them – well, Fred did. George to lesser extent.

He missed them, damnit. And exams were now in three weeks, and he was definitely going to fail Transfiguration. And he missed the DA. And Dumbledore.

At breakfast that morning, an owl dropped a letter in front of Lee and took off before Lee registered it was there. Odd that it hadn't been attached to the owl's leg. ON a quick glance he couldn't recognise the writing, but really he didn't need more than a quick glance at the note. It wasn't exactly detailed.

_Lee_

_I know its nearly exam time and that time is always hard, but son, do you're best and I'll be happy with you. _

_Dad_

Lee didn't remember the last letter Dad had sent him. Dad preferred Floo or Apparating straight into the living room, or using the muggle telephone to call Lee's mum – or, you know, forgetting he had children entirely.

Since when did he care about Lee's education? And the old man couldn't even use grammar. And –

"What the fuck is this," he muttered.

Alicia and Angelina looked over at him.

"What?"

"My dad," said Lee. "He's written me a letter. He's never done that before. It's not even a letter, it's a fucking note. A sentence he can't even be arsed to proofread or use a grammar charm or something." He wasn't speaking to the girls. He was just talking. Made more sense outside of his head.

Florence, opposite Lee, silently took the letter – _sodding note_ – from Lee and scanned it.

"He's trying," she said weakly.

Lee took it back. "'Do _your_ best and I'll be happy with you', what, so he's not happy with how I am right now? What the fuck makes him think I'm worried? Reject me as a son if I don't do my lousy best?"

"He's trying to show he cares-" Florence tried again, but Lee scowled and dropped his fork.

"If the old twat wants to care, he could fucking well write a real letter, or fucking _see me _once in a while!"

"But you're here," said Alicia.

"Yeah, I bloody realised."

Alicia sat back. "All right," she muttered moodily.

Lee reread the letter. Didn't give a shit how he was, assumed correctly that Lee didn't care too much how he or his girlfriend was - who Lee couldn't remember the name of, and Lee didn't even recognise his father's writing, that was how little they were in contact! He recognised, on second read, certain words like "Dad" and "Lee" now.

Lee stood up. He wasn't hungry any more. "Sorry, Liss," he said, "and thanks, Florence. I'm gonna-"

Lee shook his head, leaving his sentence to trail off as he did.

He wasn't sure why he was so angry, but something about this letter, the first word his father had said since the "bye" after Christmas – and this was good for his father! Lee's birthday card and that pile of galleons that his father had given him because he didn't know Lee enough to get him a real present had been given to him at Christmas.

He'd ask Mum what, if anything, brought this on.

Lee didn't usually get angry. Waste of time. Must be the lack of influence from the twins. Fred's anger was frequent and quick, George's was slower but more impressive, Lee… just didn't. He was more laid back than them both in everything (other than schoolwork) and he didn't have things to get angry over. And at home, in the large extended family, there was enough drama without Lee's anger. Mel was ridiculously dramatic about most things, for a start. That meant Lee's anger was mostly about his dad – even though he really was fine with the divorce, it was just his father was a git at times.

And he fucking well missed him. Not that the stupid bastard caught him up in riveting conversation, but at the Quidditch World Cup they'd had a laugh. They'd gotten on well, making Lee realise how he had needed a dad around occasionally.

...Yeah, Lee certainly was fine with his parents' divorce.

Lee sat down on his bed in his empty dorm. He had a free period next anyway, when Eslam Shafie and Jack Howell didn't, so he could brood angrily for a while. He needed someone to take the piss out of the grammar and share Lee's anger – "Bang out of order, that is. All talk and no walk, you don't need him." Or something along those lines. The three girls, they meant well, but Lee didn't talk to them about his dad. Didn't want to, either. They knew he'd not been around for a good few years but Lee hadn't been close to them when his folks split up. Girls were odd, giggly things with long hair back then. And Angelina Johnson especially was loud and knew her own mind and would yell at you if needed, terrifying the shit out of Lee (and the other four boys, come to think of it).

Lee pulled out a quill, ink and parchment.

_Mum_

_How are things? Here's all right, you know Fred and George left? Dead boring without them. Shafie and Howell are okay but a bit dull. The others are fine and we're really getting into NEWT revision now, making things worse. But yeah, things are cool. _

_You spoken to Dad recently? He sent me a letter saying good luck, I think. And you know what he's like. Can't remember the last time I had a letter from him. _

_So yeah. Mel all right? Everyone else good? _

_See you fairly soon then, _

_Love from Lee _

He wandered up to the owlery and watched the barn owl fly off. Lee needed to apologise to Alicia and Florence and Angelina. They liked that. Fred and George were good to brush off any disagreements without an apology. Alicia especially would hold a grudge for a long time if you didn't apologise, but then, Lee supposed, the three girls and Lee too generally forgot small monetary loans, whilst Fred and George kept them to the knut.

He got the chance before lunch in Herbology, which Florence and Alicia both took and worked as a pair in, leaving Lee to be stuck with Margaret Ackerly, who refused to touch mud and gushed about her boyfriend from Durmstrang. Ordinarily he'd work with George as he'd done all this year and last, or Fred when they'd pretended to be the other, but clearly that wasn't an option now.

It could be great, though, Herbology. Very distracting, and a good stress release. Today they'd been battering a heavy-set cactus to get its defenses to work; its pores seeped a liquid smelling uncannily like bad eggs and a vital ingredient of Skele-Gro. Lee wasn't sure how this could be relevant in their exam, as it was possibly a two hour session with only one theoretical marking point, but he wasn't complaining.

Muggle Studies was Lee's last lesson, revising the culture of punk. He dodged Umbitch herself when returning to the Gryffindor tower, almost got into a scrape with Warrington, who'd never quite taken to Lee (maybe it was all the times Lee had 'commented' on his bulk, perhaps it was that Lee's best friends had nearly killed Warrington's housemate Montague), but Lee cowardly scarpered whilst yelling a few clever insults. Here he ran into the mythical fourth Seven Year Gryffindor girl, frantically defining spells with Patricia Stimpson. Patricia was looking exceptionally pale, reminding Lee of her fainting three or four times in the run up to OWLs. She didn't seem far off a repeat of that.

"Afternoon, ladies," he winked, and strolled off down a secret passageway.

Lee climbed through the portrait hole – bugger, no one he really knew or liked. Eslam Shafie and Jack Howell were probably in the library, possibly as were Angelina, Alicia and Florence. The room was mostly filled with hard at work Fifth Years. Well, no, a few were hard at work. Ron Weasley was looking gormless, staring out of the window, and the Irish kid was playing gobstones on his own.

Lee fell into an armchair near to Ron, one of the worse ones in the corner of the room. It wasn't long before he was joined by the girls, if only briefly. Angelina was getting her Quidditch team into gear, hitting the back of Ron's chair to get him moving, sending Alicia, Katie Bell and Ginny Weasley off to get their stuff. Florence talked to Leanne Butler, Katie Bell's friend, and ended up bringing her over to sit with her and Lee.

Harry Potter stared with longing after the Quidditch team as they were leaving the Common Room, sighing as the portrait hole closed after them. Lee looked up as it opened again – Angelina hurried in, swearing.

"Have you seen Sloper or Kirke?" she asked them.

No one had.

"Bloody morons," she said angrily. "If anyone needs practise, it's them!" She pointed out a third year and sent the poor thing running about the dormitories for the Beaters, telling the third year just to send them down.

Hermione Granger put her book down and said, in a sympathetic tone, "Harry, at least you can focus on your OWLs."

Lee stifled a snigger. If that was Potter's silver lining…

Harry appeared to agree with Lee. He gave a snort of derision and scribbled something out on his parchment.

"You all right, Lee?" asked Florence.

Lee sat up. "Yeah – yeah, sorry about breakfast," he said awkwardly. None of them had brought it up all day, so he hadn't really apologised yet.

"Have you replied?"

Lee could feel Leanne, Harry and Hermione listening with interest.

"Nah, not yet," he admitted. "I asked my mum about it, so I'll see what she says."

"What's this?" Eslam Shafie had joined them.

"My dad sent me a note," Lee muttered.

"Oh." Eslam sat next to Lee, and when Leanne and Florence were in a conversation, and Harry and Hermione were less visibly listening, he muttered, "Fred and George leave any - " he looked around shiftily, affected by the reputation of Hermione Granger, clearly, "- any 'stuff'?"

Eslam was talking about the variety of potions Fred and George had experimented with and brewed to get themselves high, and shared with friends rather generously.

"Not that I saw," said Lee apologetically.

D'you have anything muggle with you still?"

Lee said in a similarly quiet voice, "No, used it at the end of the holiday."

"Damn. Can you get any more?"

Lee raised an eyebrow. "Of course I can, Shafie. Any occasion?"

"Just wanted some. But after exam celebrations, sounds good?"

It did. What Eslam was asking for, of course, was marijuana. Lee'd brought some in back in third year, given to him by his cousin Mike. Huge hit. Fred and George especially had liked it, as their brother Bill had apparently taken to it on occasion, and he smoked normal cigarettes too, and (not that they'd admit it) Bill Weasley was the height of cool in the twins' eyes.

Lee had become the unofficial dealer, because he lived in London and Mike was able to get it cheap for him every once in a while. He'd send a letter to Mel, to give to Mike, to give back to Mel and she could owl it back to Lee, for Mike didn't know they were magic. The extended family just thought that Lee and Mel's dad paid for them to go to a fancy boarding school in Scotland.

They didn't really get weed much any more, anyway. Fred and George's various potions were better - although trying something the twins offered you under the premise of it getting you high was a really, really scary idea the first few times. This was before they'd ever made any real joke shop products, giving everyone only their appalling potions reputation as basis for the "will it kill me?" question. It didn't, luckily.

Eslam left to get back to the library, and Florence sighed. She stretched, her robes coming loose, and she said something. Lee wasn't sure what it was because cleavage.

"You joining me?" she said.

Lee blinked and consciously focused on her face. "What?"

She stood up, and Lee copied her. Brilliant view of her cleavage now. Florence was short and Lee was tall, so looking at her face meant he was unable not to see her cleavage. Lee hoped she'd realised she was more indecent than usual and sort herself out. A memory popped into his head, of last year at Cedric Diggory's funeral, when his whole year had gotten drunk rather than be faced with their own mortality. Florence pushing Lee up against a wall and Lee groping her as they drunkenly snogged.

"Library, Lee?" repeated Florence.

He should do. You know, do his best and make his old man proud.

Lee groaned and pulled a face, following Florence out of the room.

**I am truly sorry for the lateness of this update. It was never going to be a quick update – just spent a week in Scotland for the festival, which involves lots of beer and late nights and busy days, and then I couldn't be antisocial and holed up in "my" room with my laptop, so I stayed in the family room and was assaulted whenever someone needed quick internet info, and I really got into the Olympics and I had to write something for my best mate's eighteenth and and and. A mass of excuses are there, I had hoped to get this done a lot sooner, I'm horrifically lazy and I am sorry. …And it was my mum's birthday and I had a reunion dinner to get to and my results are out in two days. And work. And. And I've really gotten into Ab Fab. **

**Oh, and I've been writing later scenes too. Which is good in the long run ahah. **

**To CoddsblanchOOO: BAHHHHH I'M GLAD YOU LOVE MY VERSION OF LEE. I hope this reaches your expectations… Indeed you can comment without an account. Please do so again. And don't worry, I've got – what, 66 more chapters to write? You'll get them, DW. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Cait x**

**To Inspwriter (why I'm not saying this in a PM is because I'm writing at work and it's easier to use Word when I shouldn't be than it is to go on FF when I shouldn't be): I really am so sorry for not getting this done before Sunday. I really had planned to, but then typing in the car journey made me feel really sick, we were in Edinburgh for many hours longer than I'd expected on Saturday and then we had a late goodbye meal followed by goodbye drinks, then Sunday we got back late and I had to dash out for another meal, and then had to catch up with my mum as I'd missed her birthday, and hadn't seen my brother in about three months… Do forgive me. I really hope your results were good, or good enough for you, and I'd quite like it if your parents didn't limit your internet. Belated g'luck. **

**Finally, dear friends and readers, unto the breaches I have come! Results day on Thursday! I shan't be able to sleep on Wednesday night even though I *absolutely* don't care about my results, so how say we for an update by Thursday? **

**Until the next, **

**Cait x**

**EDIT: It's 1:28am and it's the seventh time I've tried to upload this. Fucking internet.**

**EDIT #2: 8:02am. It should work this time. Or I might cry. **


	13. Postscript

**Postscript**

Every morning, Lee awaited a letter, and for nearly a week nothing landed in front of him at breakfast. But one morning, when Lee was quietly chewing his kippers listening to Jack Howell and Eslam Shafie's conversation, he heard a loud cackle and a great many screams.

Jack was one of those who screamed as a large, hairy, black tarantula landed in his bowl of porridge, and Lee had never seen Ron Weasley move so fast from a room. Peeves appeared to have unloaded a bag of tarantulas over the breakfast tables. Few students weren't panicking, and few teachers too, in fact, weren't pointing their wands as the graceful spiders, and instead were becoming paler or shrieking, or both. Most of the people around him had sprung up and left the room, but a few were bearing it – or too scared to move, in the case of a few small Hufflepuffs who were tightly bundled together.

It was quite funny how the Houses were divided on this. A fear of spiders must be one of the most popular fears and it was obvious from the screams that this was intensified when they were massive great spiders in people's food and hair. Most of the Slytherins had stayed, clearly trying not to show their fear. Luna Lovegood, the crazy blonde Ravenclaw, surprised Lee by stroking one of the tarantulas and looking perfectly at ease, while a few of her fellow Ravenclaws were insisting these spiders were not harmful, levitating them away from their table. The Hufflepuffs, the smallest group, if they were doing anything at all it was moving the spiders away from _all _of the tables rather than simply their own. The Gryffindors were the largest group, trying to stay courageous, and also contained the group of sixth years who were congratulating Peeves and cheering as he caused more havoc with the spiders.

"Wheeeee!" cackled Peeves, dropping a spider on a small second year's head.

Katie Bell had rather defiantly stayed, her face set as she carefully levitated the spiders from her.

The tarantulas were harmless, and the same breed as Lee's old tarantula, so of course he picked up the closest one that wasn't dripping porridge and thrust it under Katie Bell's nose. Who wouldn't?

"Fuck!" screeched Katie, and threw herself off the bench, landing in an undignified heap by the Hufflepuff table, shrieking again as she nearly touched another. She scowled at him and swore again as he laughed.

Then Lee caught sight of a few students of different years and houses, grouped together, all crying, sobering him up a bit.

It was pandemonium in the Great Hall, with the Head Girl, a Slytherin, having ran out of the room at the start, with the Ravenclaw Head Boy trying to get the prefects into action (Hermione Granger was getting greatly into her role; Ron Weasley didn't look so pleased as she dragged him back into the Hall). Umbridge was unsuccessfully trying to order the students about and Filch was trying to subdue Peeves, who kept lifting more spiders and throwing them about.

To save the spiders from this fate, Lee rescued as many as he could, putting them in his schoolbag. He'd release them into the Forbidden Forest as soon as he could.

And even though the teachers were being very mature and orderly, Lee caught sight of McGonagall and Snape sharing a quick high-five as one levitated spider landed directly on Umbridge's face.

**-OoO-**

The next morning, most of the students entered the Great Hall with great caution, much as they had for the past two meals. Katie Bell wouldn't even look at Lee for the stunt he'd pulled with the spider, and Angelina had kicked him in the shin when she'd found out (and it bloody hurt, not that Lee'd let her know that).

But this morning brought a school owl to Lee's breakfast. Mum's reply, he guessed.

_Dear Lee_

_Hello darling, I'm glad things are going well. I'm sorry Fred and George left, and I hope your revision is going well – it is, isn't it? Lee, oh please do get grades that you've worked hard for. Perhaps it's good that your friends have gone so you can focus on your revision, they've always seemed a little__– _and here there was a word scribbled out_ -__disruptive. Dad has been talking to me and I've told him I was worried he didn't talk to you and your sister enough, so I'm pleased he's trying. Be nice to him, Lee, it's not been easy for him either. Everyone's lovely thanks darling, all looking forward to having you home for good!_

_All the best, love, do write again before your exams, you don't write enough!_

_Lots of love,_

_Mum xxx_

Useful. Really bloody useful. Glad his mum was pleased his 'disruptive' best mates were gone, so Lee could spend schooldays horrifically bored.

Lee didn't bother replying, but did scrawl a quick reply to his father, some wishy washy thanks and saying he was working really hard – which he wasn't. He certainly wasn't working hard, feeling that his companions were working hard enough for him. Never had Lee been needed more to keep spirits up.

The exam stress appeared to be getting to Alicia particularly. By the time they'd left Charms, she was huffing and scowling at Lee, who was in stitches as he explained the last niffler incident. Of the four of them, Angelina was the only one to laugh, before rushing into a long tirade about how and why they really could win the Quidditch Cup, nearly sparking off an argument between her and Alicia because Angelina was apparently putting Quidditch before her exams, and Alicia, said Angelina, had no concept of how she could balance her time to include the two. Lee and Florence felt considerable relief as they passed Peeves chasing Filch with a broom, ending the dispute effectively, and as they strolled past a group of fourth years and a foul smell filled their nostrils, the Bubble-Head charms prevented decent continued conversation entirely.

And once more Lee was left with only Florence for company as Angelina rallied up her Quidditch team. And Florence was kind and sweet and cheery, but... well, he vanished to his dorm not long later, vanished behind his curtains after encountering Jack and Eslam's revision session.

_All right, fuckers? _

Maybe not. He'd heard Umbitch was screening all mail in and out of the school.

_Oi, Weasels. _

Could work. But why not the ever good –

_Gruesome Twosome_

_All right? How's the business? Left me to boredom and revision, thanks for that you arses. Seriously, I'm bored. I'm actually writing a letter! More than you two have done, by the way. The swamp's finally down but – well, I'll tell you when I see you. I mean, you never know who's reading this! _

He'd need to subtly tell them that the mail was being watched. Actually, did he? Everyone knew it already.

_Yeah, the mail's being watched now, so we're not really meant to swear and __stuff. Angelina's getting right pissed off about the Quidditch, and all Alicia and Florence do now is revise and talk about it. My dad wrote me a letter, which was interesting. The arse. _

_Yeah. It's a bit dull right now, but the students are quite lively. Peevishly so, y'know? Be nice if you wrote back or I might have to swim with Donald just for some decent company._

_Lee_

"Donald?" asked Ginny Weasley. He'd had to borrow her quill – broke his last, and there weren't many people in the Common Room at this time of night.

"The giant squid," Lee explained. "We thought it was a hilarious name back when we were firsties."

Ginny nodded, amused.

"D'you always read people's private mail?"

Ginny grinned, a grin reminding him of Fred and George. "Of course."

For the sake of excitement, Lee left to send the letter well after curfew, and the only people who nearly saw him were Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, having a bit of a row as they made their way back to the Common Room after their rounds. From what he heard of it, they'd walked in on some students having sex. Even Lee could feel the sexual tension between the two as they walked.

**-OoO-**

The last Saturday of May, the Gryffindors were animated and leaving the Common Room in large crowds. The final Quidditch match of the year, and Lee's final ever commentary. He pulled from the crowd and hung back a bit, making it up to his commentator's space when the Common Room was near enough empty. He would have joined Jack and Eslam, but they'd vanished with a few Ravenclaws early in the morning. Everyone always went far too early, wanting a decent seat. Lee didn't have to worry about that – he had the prime spot.

He actually did. Rumour, and the flying instructor Madam Hooch, said that they'd performed very complex spells to find the exact spot where vision of the whole pitch would be best, by average of course as it depended where the players were.

Lee wasn't feeling particularly enthusiastic. Sure, Gryffindor could win, but for once he wasn't desperately excited about it. There'd certainly not be a massive party as there would be with the twins still around. Maybe Lee should do it, on the off chance that they did win. Ravenclaw were good this year, and Cho Chang had two years age and – what, three years more playing experience? But Ginny was easily better than her brother Ron, was light and speedy on a broomstick (even if it was a broomstick older than Fred and George's, if in slightly better nick), and she might be able to pull this off. And the team of Angelina, Alicia and Katie Bell was near unrivalled in chaser quality. The beaters, however, were an insult to the name of beating; Fred and George being utterly ashamed to have been replaced by people of their calibre, and Ron was just a bit dodgy.

He looked mightily dodgy too. Like he might throw up. Well, he did last time Lee saw him, so he as probably worse by now. That'd be interesting, if he vomited in mid air.

Lee was still there with nearly half an hour before the game actually started, spending the time absently bantering with the professors around him. Flitwick was the best to have a pre-game chat with, and McGonagall was always fantastic. Hell, he even grew to like Snape up here. His sarcasm and snide comments were somehow a lot more friendly up here, away from the class. Umbitch, though, kept simpering at him and coughing and making the lousiest comments whenever she thought they were having too much fun.

Oh, the players were coming out. He sighed and started the magical microphone, wishing for a short game.

**-OoO-**

Lee did make a run to the kitchens with a few others when they did win. He was suitably flabbergasted at the result, and – perhaps rudely – brought attention to Cho Chang's hormonal outburst when Ginny got the snitch.

The Gryffindors were lazy on the Sunday morning, tired from the late night and the heat. Lee found himself walking around the lake, thinking about nothing. He watched Ron Weasley ruffle his hair and grin at the girls watching him, under the old beech tree that he, Fred and George used to sit under when they were skipping lessons, or just feeding Donald the giant squid.

At lunch, luckily, an owl swooped down to save him from the boredom. Lee was getting mightily popular – although, he supposed, he'd sent Fred and George three letters already, and when they were both around he barely had the time to send one to his mum.

He unfurled the scroll, and stared at it, baffled.

_Mr Lee Jordan_

'_Elo 'elo 'elo! I'm infredulous. Positively giddy. We've not spoken in a while, but I'm sorry for the loss of poor Archie. He was a georgous dog, and absolutely fabulous, but unfortunately my allergies made me a little wheazey around him. _

_Yours, _

_L. Y. A. Huffenwitis. _

_P.S. Feeling a little blue. Can you recommend any treatments? I've heard of muggle things that clear your head and make the world make sense again. A clear big blue sky, Mr Blue, as it were. _

"Anything wrong?" Asked Eslam.

"What?" Lee looked up at him. "Uh – no, nothing wrong."

What the fuck? He read through it again, closer this time. Fred and George 'Wheazey', he got. Archie? What was that? Huffenwitis? And the PS? Merlin, Lee wasn't cut out for this.

Okay, so either everything in the letter meant something else, hiding a secret message, or...

Fred and George were certainly creative enough, and smart enough, to do that. But Lee was doubting that they would... it would be a lot of effort. And really, was the question not answerable anyway? Charms was what they did best, always. And they wouldn't have written something he'd need a Ravenclaw to translate for him. L Y A Huffenwitis, though? Elya Huffenwitis?

"Huffenwitis..." he muttered. Huffen-witis? Huffen, like, huffing and puffing? Yell at it? Get angry with it? Was he supposed to smoke it or something?

Hu-fenwitis Huffen witis, huffen with this?

Oh.

Have fun with this.

LYA Have fun with this.

Lee finished his tea and toast, made rushed goodbyes and went to his dormitory.

Right.

Fred and George saying 'have fun with this'. Something about making things clearer. Yeah, there was a hidden message – a hidden one rather than something he had to decipher.

Fantastic. And he was running late for a morning detention with Professor Burbage, who was deeply apologetic but "unfortunately Jordan, you've handed me scarcely any homework all year! And I have suspected you've played truant more than a few times."

Lee had run to the detention, and ran physically in to Umbitch herself, getting another detention. The scar tissue was already painfully obvious on against Lee's dark skin, but at least people were proud of the scars now. People who barely knew Lee would high-five him on noticing the scars, and given his status already for being a commentator, a seventh year, a Gryffindor, hanging out with Fred and George, the dreadlocks (yes they counted!), Lee strode through the school like he ruled it. He winked at a pretty fifth year, who blushed and whispered immediately with her friend, he nodded at Professor McGonagall, who merely raised an eyebrow, lobbed a few WWW firecrackers in the Great Hall at lunchtime, all the while considering the letter, and its curious PS.

Rummaging later through his dormitory for two year old Charms notes, Lee uncovered hundreds of lost treasures. The ten of spades that he'd lost a few years back, a few sickles and half a dozen knuts, prototype tea leaves for Turbulent Tea, and a handful of other prototype sweets. These were on top of a pile of parchment, so Lee pulled it out, a bit dubiously as it was damp.

Yup, his Charms notes, and he'd used cheap ink so the ink had smudged and ran when whatever substance had dampened the notes. He sighed and threw them in the bin. He also threw away the tea leaves, the orange end of a Puking Pastille, what looked like a bloody nosebleed nougat, the failed Mr Blue Guy sweet, the green sweet that was releasing some sort of liquid and the foul-smelling sludge coloured toffee.

Wait.

'Elo, 'elo, 'elo. Or ELO. Mr Blue.

Lee peered back into the bin, but couldn't see the small blue sweet – but could see a rotting banana and a mouldy sandwich. Still, he reached in and – no, banana juices. Ew.

"_Accio_ – uh, _accio _sweet," he muttered hesitantly, picturing the small sweet.

It zoomed up, moisture on it from its short stay in the bin.

"_Scourgify_," said Lee, and then he took the sweet and fished Fred and George's letter out of his schoolbag.

Did he eat it? Rub it? Rub it on the letter? He rubbed it on the letter and jumped back in surprise. Cracks and sparks emitted and fizzled around his head as the letter flashed and changed.

_Jordan_

_Clever boy. How is it, mate? Hope you all enjoyed your present. Bloody weird, being out here. Mum nearly killed us both when we got home  
__**Hell of a trip that, remind us to tell you about it**_

Ink splattered the parchment, and Lee could imagine his best friends fighting for the parchment.

_**Sorry, we're in a bit of a rush and George is hogging it**_

Lee couldn't make out the scrawly, stabby black mess.

_Yeah, sorry about that, Jordan. Got a customer waiting now, and Fred thinks she's fit so he's pissed off. This is about the fourth letter we've written, you know? We've got your three letters too, but have you even been getting ours? We guess not and Gin said mail was being watched. Got Hermione to help her hide what she was saying, mind, but she was able to tell Mum. _

_Oh yeah, and we got that letter. Was your dad being a twat? Because we've got methods to deal with it, y'know. Just say the word. _

_Seriously mate, it's fucking brilliant here. Pretty tiring, and I reckon we opened too early, but we've got a store worker already! She's fit as, Verity is. But pretty straight laced. She doesn't seem to keen on flirting with the bosses, more's the shame. I reckon she was gonna slap Fred with what he was saying to her the other day – that's what made us hire her. And Diagon Alley is brilliant. We've trekked out into muggle London a few times too. Your mum's place is nearby, isn't it? You'd always be welcome to come by. _

_Revision fun? Don't you dare be revising every hour, though. Maybe a few hours a week is okay, but Merlin, Lee, you can't show us up like that! Remind everyone that there's more to life than school, and swear at Umbitch for us, yeah?_

A splatter of purple obscured the next two words, and the few after that were scribbled out.

_Sorry about that. And I've got to go or I might blow this lab up. _

_**Oi, swear at Umbitch, Lee! From us. And give Mrs Norris a kick, for old time's sake. **_

_**Fred & **__George._

* * *

**Oh, and ahahaa at "unto the breaches I have come". I meant *"unto the breach I have come" or whatever the correct term is. No one's yet corrected me, so it's cool, I got there before you. (NB: 11:03am GMT, 15****th**** August 2012) **

**And I know it's been ... yeah, a good two weeks. Life got in the way, y'know? **

**Tell me what you think, thanks for reading, and until the next, **

**Cait x**


	14. Hate

**Hate**

Exams had started. Lee's time was filled with thinking of the next exam, revising for the next exam, sitting with people revising for the next exam, eating and talking about the next exam, and having sickening chats about the previous exam. Time merged together and the only high points were when he got the odd letter from Mum or the twins.

And then came the news that McGonagall was in St Mungos. The fifth years had been having their Astronomy OWL when it happened, when McGonagall had been stunnered. Stunned? Stunnered sounded more serious. The good looking black kid and the Irish kid in that year told the whole Common Room about the events of the night, how Hagrid had been ambushed and made to leave and how McGonagall – Gryffindor through and through, that woman – and fuck was that exciting and nerve wracking. Hatred was fuelled and no Gryffindors felt anything kind towards Umbitch, and Lee very much hoped this was felt through all the Houses.

"I can't believe they did that to McGonagall," said Alicia, pale faced.

Lee shook his head. "More than bloody out of order, that was –"

"Sickening," said Katie Bell with disgust. "And _just_ to sack Hagrid!"

"He's scary though, I'll give her that," Jack Howell added.

Lee wasn't the only one to fix glares at him. "Hagrid's one of the best men I know," he said aggressively.

"Yeah but shit, he could do some damage."

"He was feckin' furious," the Irish kid piped in, as Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger entered the Common Room.

"But why sack Hagrid now?" asked Angelina, shaking her head, "It's not like Trelawney; he's been teaching much better than usual this year!"

Hermione Granger settled in the armchair beside Angelina. "Umbridge hates part humans," she said bitterly. "She was always going to try and get Hagrid out."

"And she thought Hagrid was putting Nifflers in her office," Katie said, leaning forward.

Lee's hands flew to his mouth. "Oh, blimey, it's me who's been putting the Nifflers in her office. Fred and George left me a couple; I've been levitating them in through her office."

The black fifth year was quick to reassure him. "She'd have sacked him anyway; he was too close to Dumbledore."

Regardless, Lee pulled a face, unsettled by his contribution to Hagrid's sacking.

"That's true," said Harry Potter as he sat down.

A pretty fifth year who looked close to tears said, "I just hope Professor McGonagall's all right."

Colin Creevey, a friend of Ginny Weasley's, broke in at this point. "They carried her back up to the castle, we watched through the dormitory window. She didn't look very well." He looked quickly at Harry Potter after this, and Lee remembered the hero worship Colin and his little brother had for Potter.

"Madam Pomfrey will sort her out," said Alicia with a firm tone. The tone she used to nag Lee and the twins of the importance of doing their homework. "She's never failed yet."

Not many people looked convinced.

"It's one thing fixing a broken arm, another to fix a witch a bit past her best from four stunners," said Eslam.

It was quite depressing how many people agreed with Eslam's words, so Lee tried to lighten the mood. "McGonagall's strong. Think of all the kids she's still got to put in detention. She won't deny them that."

Angelina gave a wry smile. There was a weird solidarity between the elder students – the sixth and seventh years – sort of a protection thing going. Hogwarts without McGonagall? Not possible. Dumbledore was gone, Hagrid was gone, but both had gone for times in the past, most notably in fourth year. McGonagall was consistently there, making Hogwarts Hogwarts. And this was something the elders had to do for the younger students.

Lee knew that stunning spells could be lethal. There was the obvious being stunned on a broomstick, and so falling to your death, but Dad had mentioned the war a few times to Lee and Mel. A friend of Lee's granddad, probably about the same age as McGonagall was now, was dead after five. It triggered a heart attack or something, which usually the Wizarding World could deal with like it was a cold but the man had been left for a while and died. Not really a nice death either.

Dad had also told him that any spell could kill. You could die from too much of anything, and magic happened to be one. Sure, you'd need a hell of a lot of colour changing charms on your shirt to kill you, but Dad assured Lee it could be done if you had the patience and maybe five years of constant charming.

Lee had assured Dad he was plenty charming enough. Dad hadn't really responded to that. Which Lee couldn't blame.

Unfortunately, after all this excitement Lee had a Muggle Studies exam, and knew his focus wasn't quite on his answers. He definitely mucked up the two long answer questions, writing scarcely half of what Patricia Stimpson, one seat ahead to Lee's left, had written. Hell, Maurice McGregor had even asked for extra parchment. Who did that, really? The question about Bonfire night, all Lee could remember was making a straw man and setting it on fire, and so doodled that, but was sure there was more explosions in the story. He sat dreaming about fireworks for the next half hour, imagining going home and visiting Fred and George's shop. And the party at the end of exams! That would be fantastic. And how to get his own back on Umbitch. There was more than enough mayhem about the school – maybe dropping an extra strength Dungbomb in her office? Charming it to last ages?

Dull. And not nearly bad enough. Actually, Lee was leaving school properly in what, a month? Something like that. Something really lasting, really cruel, that's what the woman needed. Of course, this wasn't Lee's area. Here's when he really needed Fred and George. Couldn't even ask them; it was common knowledge that the post was being watched the royal cunt herself.

"Please put your quills down, the exam is over."

Lee hastily scribbled out the crude drawing of the woman at the end of the exam parchment, tearing the parchment in doing so as it flew away from him.

"Could have gone better," he said, grinning regardless as he joined Angelina and Alicia, studying for charms.

Angelina, seemingly restless, asked brightly, "Oh, so what happened?"

"The girl in front of me had really shiny hair..."

Angelina shut her books and sat back and laughed, visibly irritating Alicia.

"Go on, tell us all about it," Angelina said.

"Angelina! We're revising Charms!" said Alicia, annoyed.

Lee leant back in his chair and moaned. "I'm bored of the stinking exams."

"I'm bored of stinking revision," grumbled Angelina, as Alicia placed her books back on her lap.

Alicia caught Lee's eye. "You too! I bet you've not even started revision," she chided.

Lee made a noise of disgust. "I've just finished an exam! Give me five minutes at least!"

Angelina too groaned.

When the exams were over, a large party was orchestrated. Some of Fred and George's old merchandise had been recycled, the stuff that still worked, at least, such as a pillow charmed to be Umbitch's face. Many of them took to punching it and throwing food at it as it spewed – actually spewed – and occasionally groaned some rather inappropriate comments. Needless to say, this party was solely for fifth years upwards.

It wasn't the best party, not in the slightest. Somehow the end of year parties weren't as good as Christmas parties or birthday parties, possibly because Fred and George were massive parts of Lee's life and for the past five years something significant had happened to their younger siblings.

Like this year. Ron was in the Hospital Wing and quite hurt, by the sounds of things. Hermione Granger was rumoured to be worst off, with Harry Potter surprisingly well for once. Ginny Weasley was fine and showed her face at the very party, with Neville Longbottom who seemed to share a fond friendship with the girl. No one was really sure what had happened to the five of them – the five and the weird Ravenclaw girl – but there was a tension within the staff and students. But Umbitch's ruling of the school had finished, and about fucking time. She was also badly hurt, but Lee really couldn't bring himself to care. He hated the old hag, as did most people.

One more message had come through for Lee from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, although it was just from George this time.

_Oi, Jordan_

_Get absolutely fucked for us, and swing by asap? Can't wait for you to see the shop. It's fucking fantastic! Give Ron and Gin a visit would you? The package is for them, from me and Fred. _

_Verity, THE GIRL WE FUCKING EMPLOY, Fred's really pissed because she's not flirting back properly. Also, I know how to make freckles glitter. Not really intentionally, and Fred took some pictures and sent them to Mum and Bill and Charlie. Git. _

_- Yeah, he's fucking enclosed some in the package. _

_George_

Lee snorted. "Fred's already trying to sleep with their employee," he told Alicia and Angelina with a laugh.

Angelina scowled. "Stupid prick."

She didn't say this lightly. Lee frowned at Alicia who pulled a face. Angelina's face remained angry and dark – until she looked at the Quidditch Cup on display in the cabinet in the Common Room, and her face lightened.

"Still can't believe we pulled this off with –" she glanced around, scanning the room's occupants quickly, "- with Ron on the team. And without Harry or the twins."

"Pretty damn incredible," Lee nodded. But damnit, now she and Alicia were running through the match again, and sure Lee was interested in Quidditch but he'd heard this before and it gets really dull when he wasn't playing, or without Fred and George's comments. Hell, he'd commentated the match, he damn well knew what happened.

But of course there was nowhere else to hang out – okay other than his empty dormitory – and no other mates... it was really shitty being here right now. And it was a shame that this would mark the ending of a fairly nice seven years.

Lee frowned. He was being remarkably sullen at the moment, ever since the twins had left. That wasn't like him. And really, yes, what a crappy way to end things by hating the current state and so putting a bad light on everything good that had happened at Hogwarts. Hell, who knew when the next time he'd be able to chat with Alicia and Angelina and not have other things to do.

No, he'd stop being angry or moody and so Lee joined in with the play-by-play.

**YEAH I TOTALLY HAVEN'T A REAL EXCUSE FOR THE MONTHS I'VE VANISHED. THIS CHAPTER JUST WAS QUITE HARD TO WRITE AND THEN REAL LIFE AND NANOWRIMO (which I totally failed) GOT IN THE WAY. **

**LOVE YOU LOTS IF YOU'RE STILL READING. **

**CAIT XXXXX**


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